I have a hot button.
I think everyone has one, I hope everyone has one?
Mine is what people think of me. I know…how old am I, right?
But to get more detailed…it’s more about people thinking I’m not smart.
I don’t care what people think about my running.
Or my training.
or my work (because I trust my work. I do my best and that’s all I can do. Seems to be good so far)
My kids mostly like me.
Side trip of words here:
I used to be bothered by the seemingly long list of friends that would leave me in the dust on what appeared to be a whim.
This bothered me a lot. I must be a really really unlikable person.
My list is, after all, rather long.
Then I read this poster (I know, a Pinterest poster of all things) and suddenly my world was so much clearer. It was like a weight was off my shoulders and I decided…I’d rather be that person.
Detour over…we’re back on the road…
So if I could find the magic Pinterest poster that would solve this other dilemna, I would love it.
And yes, I know I spelled dilemna with an “n”. It’s my blog and I’m spelling it the original way if I want to.
But for now I have to learn how to not react when the button gets pushed.
I get it. It’s ridiculous.
I SEE that. I understand that.
But when put into the situation…
it’s not friendly.
My first memory of encountering this situation happened in high school.
I was a photographer for the school newspaper/yearbook. So I hung around with the writers all the time, too. One of them, her name was *Sharon (names changed to protect the obnoxious) and I had dated the same guy. I dated him first, she had just gone on a date with him the night before this conversation took place. She was asking me about him and what he talked to me about.
I told her we didn’t talk about anything in particular. It was just a date. I mean, he wasn’t really a super fascinating guy, just kind of ordinary. I thought that was interesting, as his dad had run for state representative and I think we all had kind of high expectations. Why, I don’t know.
She was one of our smartest students, like…valedictorian smart. She said all he did all night was talk politics to her.
Another guy pipes up…his name was *Melvin (name also changed…also obnoxious). He said the guy didn’t talk politics to me because he knew I was too stupid to understand the conversation.
Then he walked away.
Information that is kind of pertinent to this is that Sharon had virtually never spoken to me before this conversation. I’m not even sure how she knew I dated him, unless it came up between them.
I remember a school counselor giving me math class options and being really irritated. Rolling her eyes and suggesting this cake of a class which I did end up taking because it was the one she basically insisted on.
I remember hearing about Existentialism and how EVERYONE was taking it and loving it and I’d never even heard of it. No one had told me it was even an available class.
At this point, it just kind of snowballed into me and that was it. High school.
I’m pretty sensitive to this.
I don’t like to be corrected on those little things. I don’t like my spelling corrected. My pronunciation corrected.
I’m careful enough that I would rather go to the computer and give exact information rather than give you an open opportunity to correct me in any way.
It’s a hot button.
Interestingly, I make mistakes on the blog and in emails and such all the time because I type too fast. Mistakes like “to” instead of “two”. I just did that the other day and it still bothers me. But it’s because I typed it out too fast. Feel free to correct that. LOL
And the whacko way I write on the blog? Some things are capitalized? Some aren’t…
Punctuation MAY be there and maybe I choose not to.
It’s because I am totally typing it the way I’m thinking it. And I don’t want to change that because I think it changes the tone of how it reads.
I know how to properly capitalize and punctuate. I just don’t do it. Ha.
I know, way to drive people nuts.
I have no answer here. I have no magic solution. But here’s what I do have…a tiny little squeak of a plan guaranteed to maybe kind of work and maybe kind of not do anything but it’s a start.
I have decided that before the year is up I am going back to school. again. for the third time.
Life intervenes, you know.
I don’t want to hear a degree isn’t important.
It’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.
Nobody looks at that anymore.
The people that say that usually have a degree…they get to say that.
If I go back and decide a class is enough. Two classes….a degree, whatever. Apparently I still need something and I have to keep looking until I find it.
And I have to learn to work on those damn buttons.
Yesterday when Sean got the mail, there was a letter from the insurance company.
We get a lot of mail from the insurance company so I wasn’t too excited. Usually it’s 8 pages explaining what they paid when, what they didn’t pay when and what I’m supposed to pay when. I don’t understand most of it because they make it as confusing as possible. Then they add 5 pages of they disclosures and we’re good.
Yesterday, however, they sent this:
You may not be able to read it, but it says they are covering the Botox procedure for my migraines.
Commencing Snoopy dancing now:
Of course, the water bill came with it.
Did you know you can skip a month of the water bill and they won’t shut it off?
I won’t tell you how I found that out but over the lean years, that was good information to have. ::psstthanksmom:: LOL
Now though…I might want to pay that. Just sayin’. ha
Sean and I are going to go hiking today…maybe. That’s our goal but it’s not looking as bright as cheerful as the weather indicated it would be.
I’m hanging up now so I can go do my yoga.
If we don’t yoga, we’ll maybe visit the Shrine of Cabrini. It’s so beautiful there and always serves to center me.
Keep moving… forward towards inner peace…