the real world.

I called my sister to check in and she had spent the day in the car running errands which we’ve all done and it’s no fun at all. Traffic and frustration, sitting down all day and just generally feeling like you’re getting nothing done but being in the car. It wasn’t a terrible day, she’ll live. It just wasn’t her favorite. I would have been near tears. I can’t stand being in the car all day. It makes me itchy to move. But the worst part was the first thing she said to me was…I’m sorry about your purple fingernails.

She said she was sorry I had purple fingernails.

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It definitely makes you feel thisbig (you have to put your fingers together really tiny to make that visual work…).

I don’t talk to her every day so I thought I would explain that I may have purple fingernails but that’s not my life. I mean…I have real life issues that I just don’t post about because people happy posts. They like happy stuff. I know. You’re thinking…are you kidding? You write about happy stuff?
Hey now. Watch that attitude.

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Here’s a quick look at the top things on my mind #rightthissecond because that’s how my head works. It’s never one thing. Remember, there’s an equal number of happy thing on my mind so it’s not just these things. These are just real life.
Yes, my son got married (pretty happy and exciting!) but this payday my budget is so freaking tight because I basically bought a car for that rehearsal dinner.
I love my 2005 Jeep Liberty so much I intend to drive it until it dies right there on the street. I needed an inspection for this year’s registration so I did a search to aid the passing of said inspection because I’m apparently leaking fluids that I can’t identify since I don’t see leaks and I assume I’m burning oil (going through oil and my last mechanic told me I had many leaks). That CAN’T pass, right? I put just the right amount of gas in (not too much, not too little, Goldilocks) and I drove on the interstate to get it nice and warmed up and I got the oil changed the day before and I swear to God above I prayed the whole time it was getting inspected because I can’t replace a car right now and I can’t pay to get it fixed. It passed.

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I started a new business nearly a year ago that is succeeding beautifully at failing. Because I am an overachiever and hey…we all have to be good at something. But damn it looks good while it’s doing it. But I love it so much I’m determined. I actually had a friend ask me the other day, “and what is that…other thing…you have…that…business thing…you have?? I don’t really know what it is…” And thus you have the crux of THAT problem. My business has a giant identity problem.

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I have a great new job that is part time and it is giving me some pretty awesome validation because they love and appreciate me there.  Moving on… my husband said (totally paraphrasing) ~it’s too bad. Any money you actually make will be gone to taxes so you may as well not. I mean, I know you like it so…I guess you can for that…you know…because you like it…”. Pretty sure there was a virtual pat on the head there but I can’t guarantee it. In case you’re wondering, yep. He’s still my favorite. Shocking, I know. He’s really nice and he’s cute and I get to brag about “my husband is sooo smart… ” I’m shallow like that.
I figured out a few weeks ago that my OCD is strong enough it overrides my need to run. I have to get things done or I can’t concentrate on even getting out the door. So my run goes to the wayside. Do I prefer that? Nope. I’d way rather run but it is what it is. So when I have a lot of balls in the air, I don’t find the time to get it done. On the rare occasion I’m able to push through it’s pretty amazing and I celebrate those times.
I’m helping plan a wedding with my  sister Catherine (who I love and adore over most anyone in the world) and her daughter “B”. I’m pretty sure I’m making my sister crazy totally by accident.   I was talking to her just today and said something about both B and I talking to the same person and that person doesn’t have time to answer both of us and Catherine said that person should have replied to both of us. Then the lightbulb. I should have courtesy copied B on the correspondence and from now on I will. I don’t think about that because B doesn’t love email but it’s really just courtesy (it’s built right into the name!) and I don’t know why that didn’t occur to me before now because that’s something I would do. Anyway, thinking smarter.  It’s innovation. Sister Catherine sounded irritated. Whatever, we’re moving on.

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I have a pile of things I have to sell since the wedding. Formal gown, pretty awesome floral bouquets, table numbers…things like that.  Selling things is hit and miss. Sometimes you’re hot. Sometimes…things just don’t go. I suspect it’s going to be that way.  And until they sell they take over my living room as a constant reminder of what I have to get done and also because I have nowhere else to put them.
I can…without any thought whatsoever...throw out ten massive things that have to be repaired/replaced/renovated (I just needed another “r” word) and any one of them could go at any time. I predict Christmas.

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I JUST remembered I have to buy a plane ticket…I shoulda married a pilot. Or a mechanic. Yeah. A mechanic. ~as I say this I remember my amazing, kind, wonderful, thoughtful husband left his work today to come to mine (he makes like more than four times what I do so that’s money well spent) to do a quick computer thing and spent four hours there fixing the problem. Four hours. It was crazy. My IT guy is pretty awesome.
And if we’re rounding it to an easy 10 things…I hated my hair so much at the wedding. So much. And I’m pretty sure every picture of me will look really really bad. Like..I’m going to hate them. And everyone will say, “you hate all pictures of yourself.” No I don’t. I really like the one up here on the right. And the one in my about page. And I have some family pictures I like. And photos with Sean. I like some photos. But I won’t go into details because I just know I won’t like it. And I’m pretty sure I’ll get a big ol’ family photo for Christmas I’ll have to display and act like I love and if I never see it again I don’t care. Plus my husband’s step mom brought her camera to the wedding and people always think you’ll love all photos of your family without thinking if everyone likes the pictures. And sometimes they just don’t! Photos should be screened by the family before being reproduced and passed around to everyone which I think is really really rude or being posted and tagged in front of everyone. That’s happened to me before.  Be thoughtful. My generous tip of the day.  And no, I’m not just being paranoid, I’m saying this about everyone who had their picture taken that day because I know every person in my family and I know how they all feel about photos and it’s courtesy to think beyond yourself.
No Mom, I don’t need therapy.

So yeah…sometimes I just want to think about … geez don’t you hate it when you get your nails done and they’re PURPLE?  

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It just gives me something to laugh about, that’s all. Purple fingernails. 😎

~~~~~
#myworkoutwas
I got my steps in (I know, you’re kind of unimpressed but again, I was at work for so long and we had no food we were starving so…that’s where it went. My time I mean).
60 squats
60 push ups

Top Ten Quotes Of The Day

I’m working on it, okay?
Run on…

Purple fingernails. Not so much.

Two weeks ago my son got married and today I have a totally great hair day and my makeup is perfect. I’m starting to lose faith in the universe. Just sayin’.

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~~~~~
Work yesterday was much better. I went in for a few hours and it was find but later I went back when the office was empty and I could actually think. It’s a small office and a LOT of people go through it. So in the quiet of the evening I “finished” the project I was working on. I know it’ll need some tweaking but I made great progress. And I found a box and put anything extraneous I could find in that box. Plastic filing do-hickeys that people buy because they’re “going to get organized”, three tape dispensers, 8 staplers and too many cords to count but no one knows what they’re for.  I couldn’t think straight with all that stuff. I still need to vacuum and clean the desk off. Then I’ll be better. Flowers maybe. The office needs flowers.

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~~~~~
Michelle and I took a long lunch yesterday and went hiking which is the best way to spend the afternoon in October in Colorado.  We got away with no snakes (no snakes!) and came in under 2 hours so we were able to stand at the car for awhile and be judgey inappropriate friends that share too much.  Yeah, we know. We’re probably going to hell. But I’m hoping I can build up enough good Karma I can win positive points back. I don’t suppose it actually works that way…
Pfft…I’ll be the one at the pearly gates and St Peter will be all “well if you were a little less JUDGEY …”
yeah yeah yeah.
~~~~~
When I was a little kid there was a time I stood in a department store and declared, “haff yah eveh seen poiple UNDIES?” rather loud through out the store. I’ve always had a thing for purple. The darker the better. Preferably nearly black.
I had enough time to get to my nail appointment where my really awesome nail girl was totally happy to give me the “darkest purple she  could find” which…it turns out…

…isn’t that dark.

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sigh. Probably mine because I’m agreeable. She was so excited! She had the PERFECT color! I hated to say…yeah….
No. 

So I didn’t. I took it. And now my fingernails are “Halloween” purple which is a little brighter and “out there”. (play Twilight Zone music in your head as you read that)
I have purple nails. Me. Purple. French tip me. Boring me.
It’ll take some adjusting. At my age we aren’t supposed to hope time passes quickly but…
I am kind of hoping time passes quickly so I can get my nails redone. I’ll just get the color I had before it was SO pretty.
My advice for the day…choose your purple wisely.

Stupid purple.
~~~~~
I’m reading John Green’s new book Turtles All the Way Down and I highly recommend it. Anxiety and mental illness are just never talked about enough. Dismissed with a “hope you feel better soon” or a sad face on Facebook, I see friends going through this all the time. Recognizing someone has issues of anxiety or mental illness is a simple matter of honoring who they are. After that basic human kindness usually follows. Usually.
~~~~~
Today I am visiting my friend after work and if I don’t get a run done in the morning (which I probably won’t because I’ve been walking the dog in the morning) then I’ll get a run in later.  It’s beautiful outside and I want to enjoy this week as much as I can. It’s so late in the year you never know what the next week will bring.
#myworkoutwas
Hour and a half hike with Michelle
Walked the dog for two miles
for a total of 20,000+ steps
I miss strength.  Tomorrow….tomorrow I strength train.  #weakarms
~~~~~

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Run on…

What’s in a name?

I listen to Pod Save America. 
Four former aides to President Obama — Jon Favreau, Dan Pfeiffer, Jon Lovett, and Tommy Vietor — are joined by journalists, politicians, comedians, and activists for a freewheeling conversation about politics, the press and the challenges posed by the Trump presidency. ~source

What is Crooked?
In 2016, a sane conversation about politics was most needed but hardest to find. Cable news panels, you may have noticed, are not the best.
Twitter is a great place to slowly lose your mind. Everywhere, the work of excellent journalists competes with clickbait, fake news, and whatever Donald Trump is tweeting about. We need a better conversation about politics in this country. That’s why we launched Crooked Media — to talk about politics in a way that doesn’t make you want to throw your phone out the window – with shows and analysis and other forms of sweet, sweet content that inform, entertain, and inspire action. No, we’re not unbiased, we’re not always serious and we’re certainly not always right. But we promise a no-bullshit conversation about politics and culture where you can laugh, cry, scream, ridicule us daily, share your ideas, and hopefully decide that you want to help fix this mess too. That’s it. End of mission. ~source

It’s really good journalism. It’s straight forward and honest and it’s just what we need right now in the midst of all this political turmoil with Donald Trump having the meltdown he’s having.

Here’s the thing. One of the guys is named Dan Pfeiffer. When I went to school many years ago (not that many, be nice) that was the name of one of my best friends. He and my friend LeAnn and I…we were always together.
He was handsome and charming and had the most beautiful voice…oh it was incredible. He would sing and we would melt. What a darling man. I loved him.
Not like that, but like one of my dearest most wonderful friends. I really loved him.

He passed soon after I married and was stationed oversees, he was very young. So I always felt like..he was there..and then gone.
It’s crazy how much I think of him anyway but I think of him every time I listen to Pod Save America and hear Dan Pfeiffer.
It’s just a name and really, what’s in a name?
Everything is in a name because I hear it and I think of him.
I miss him.
Anyway, you should listen to this podcast because it’s very real and it’s very good.
*warning explicit language
~~~~~
I started a new job today. You know how the first day of new jobs everyone is like…”how was your first day??” with all that joy and excitement.
I love joy. And I want joy and I want excitement.
I love working. Keeping busy, using my brain cells and feeling productive.
But I may be the minority that thinks the first day (the first week?) is pretty stressful.
New situations, new set ups, new computers, new everything and you have to figure out how their systems work. You have to be fit into their world, they don’t fit into yours.

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So I’m making notes and lists to help make the days go smoother and reminding myself that every job has been like this.  With my previous jobs… it took a bit to get better,  but it did eventually get there. And every job I’ve ever had I’ve felt like God led me to it. They all gave back to me in some way. I gained something from them.  I’m trusting I’m supposed to be at this job where I believe this place needs me.
It’s really just -first day nervous blues-. Anyone else have first day blues? Or are you guys all -first day excitement-?
Sean just sat with me and walked me through some basic computer fixes, things I should have remembered from my last job but let’s face it…too many years of migraines and I figure brain damage tosses out anything Outlook wants me to remember. Plus, my computer is Windows 10 and the church uses Windows 7 so…

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Okay…I have some idea. I just have to access those parts of the brain that used to work on Outlook. It’s there somewhere. 

I’ll also be dealing with cleaning and organizing around people who want to do it themselves but they haven’t up until now. So as I’m asking about things or wanting to make changes there may be control issues. Today there was a lot of shuffling and cleaning around me and watching over my shoulder.

I really like my co worker but I don’t do well when watched…I shut down and my brain refuses to work. My old supervisor will attest to that (hey Norma…kiss Margaux!).  Her and I will adjust with time, I think the first week is just tough (positive thinking..).

It’s been years of disarray (apparently three pianos…three that aren’t being used…anyone need a piano? what the hell do you do with used pianos?) so we have to let someone else in to think differently.  I think time will allow that.

And I need to reign in my personality. A lot.

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yeah…wish me luck there…
~~~~
My appointment was hilarious today. It was my six month thyroid appointment where we spent 20 minutes talking about weddings and 30 seconds saying “thyroid numbers are a little low but you look great so I’m leaving you there! see you in six months!”
I love her.
After I left I thought…I should message her and ask where she buys her gorgeous clothes.

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~~~~
This morning I had a hangover from my migraine so I slept hard and I snapped crackled and popped.
I did yoga to work it out.
I wanted to run after work because oh my gosh this day was so beautiful but I had groceries to buy and dinner to make and after the appointment I just didn’t get things done the way I needed to. So tomorrow I will hopefully be on a better schedule.
I’m going to be super busy in the next few weeks,  I have several appointments mixed in with work but oh the weather. The weather!
I do love Colorado. 
Tomorrow I have plans to get a hike in after work and after my appointment.
Michelle!!
It may be my last midweek hike of the year.

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~~~~~
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Run on…

Are you an empath? And what is one? Do I want to be one? Do I have a choice…

So I’ve been interested in the word empath.- Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods. Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions. -source

I’ve heard it being passed around rather liberally lately and it seems everyone and their neighbor, best friend and cat is an empath (by the way, if your cat is an empath I am highly interested in meeting him or her. Most cats just have one mood and we all know what that is..).

When I hear it I’m taken to Charmed with Piper, Phoebe and Paige, the supernatural empath. I know it’s not the same thing but that’s where my head goes.  I get it. It’s not The Handmaid’s Tale. But we all have a vice and mine was Charmed. Piper got to blow things up. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want that power.  Think of the anger issues that would be abused with that power.

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don’t you judge me one bit…you guys have your television, I have mine.

There was a search plethora of empath results and I didn’t really know where to begin. Most of them were “30 ways to tell if you’re an empath” or “20 ways to tell…” or lengthy little lists like that.
But I grabbed onto Psychology Today for something and found this:
10 Traits Empathic People Share 

1. Empaths are highly sensative-Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners.
2. Empaths absorb other people’s emotions– Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad
3. Many empaths are introverted. -Empaths become overwhelmed in crowds, which can amplify their empathy. They tend to be introverted and prefer one-to-one contact or small groups. Even if an empath is more extroverted they may prefer to limit how much time they spend in a crowd or at a party.
4. Empaths are highly intuitive– Empaths experience the world through their intuition. It is important for them to develop their intuition and listen to their gut feelings about people.
5. Empaths need alone time– As super-responders, empaths find being around people can be draining, so they periodically need time alone to recharge.
6. Empaths can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships– Too much togetherness can be difficult for an empath so they may avoid intimate relationships.
7. Empaths are targets for energy vampires– An empath’s sensitivity makes them particularly easy marks for energy vampires, whose fear or rage can sap their energy and peace of mind.
8. An empath becomes replenished in nature– The busyness of everyday life can be too much for an empath.
9. Empath’s have highly tuned senses- An empath’s nerves can get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talking.
10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much– Empaths are big-hearted people and try to relieve the pain of others: a homeless person holding a cardboard “I’m hungry” sign at a busy intersection, a hurt child, a distraught friend.

So I hit 9 out of 10 solid. Number 6 was a no but the rest…dead on. Some of them so accurate I wanted to shout out “yes!”.
So I switched to The Mind Unleashed and went through that list of 30…I know. It’s not Psychology Today but bear with me. It was crazy.

I’m 25 out of 30.

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So…that was interesting. I mean it was a hard 25. No wavering there. I’m going to assume that I’m at the very least highly sensitive and this explains why I can’t read an article to my husband without crying, why I have no interest in watching the truly violent shows (and if I do, I close my eyes at the worst parts…or I leave the room).
I felt a little less crazy, reading that list.

~~~~~

I start a new job this week. It’s part time but I’m my church’s new office admin and I’ll be re-organizing it. I am now officially REALLY busy.
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I like using my brain though so it’ll be good.
I’ve been working with them for about two months so it’s not really new,  just show up at the church and actually be a presence now. There are definitely new duties attached to that.
I do like organizing. Did I mention that? Finding order where there wasn’t.

~~~~~

I’ve felt slightly under the weather all week long. One thing after another just not cooperating. We had crazy weather the other day with 26mph wind gusts. The result was an overall aching and a migraine today. But I drugged up and went straight to sleep.
When I woke up…it was gone.
SHUT UP..I KNOW. I couldn’t believe it either. That NEVER happens.
It was a good day.
I realize it’s odd to hear me say migraine day was a good day but…it was a good day.
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~~~~~
I have a doctor appointment today…a regular Celiac/thyroid checkup. We’ll see if I’m broken or whatever. Grocery shopping. Computer work. It’s going to be a gorgeous week of 70’s so …fall weather, golden leaves and 70*…
this week could not be more perfect.


~~~~
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yes please. 

Run on…

It’s Friday the 13th and that never gets old.

Some guy called me this morning and asked if he could come over and shower in my house.
I didn’t recognize the number but he sounded nice so I figured…why not?
Turns out I do know the guy.
MT’s friend is in the Army Reserves and he had a PT test this morning before work and his timing was off so he finished on the base and then had to go straight to work. We live very close to the base. So he asked if he could use the shower and then off he went to work.
Military people shower very quickly.
And they are very clean. He folded his wet towel.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t weird. He’s a super nice kid. Once I figured out who he was.  It’s not everyday some stranger calls you and asks that question.
I immediately put his number in my phone. In my defense, I always talk to him on Facebook.
It’s proving to be a fun day already!
~~~~~
I woke up this morning and thought…yeah I should TOTALLY do something cool with my husband today. 

Then I remembered I have theboy coming over!
That’s pretty cool, too.
Last night I went to bed with a serious headache (because I jinxed myself with yesterday’s arrogant little post) and my ankles were quite swollen (what the hell was THAT about? Oh yeah…probably a week of eating cupcakes)  and everything hurt.
Today I woke up with a serious headache, my ankles are normal size (yay!) and I woke up multiple times in the night to crazy leg cramps which we all know is magnesium. But hello..I take magnesium supplements so come on Celiac…allow something to stick please because that hurts BAD.

Well that’s quite a picture, isn’t it?

~~~

As I said,  I spoke too soon. I had a crazy migraine-in-the-making all day yesterday. Nothing serious…it’s just thinking about it. I’m taking good care to not let it get out of hand because I just don’t have time for that.
Pfft….no.
I just don’t WANT it.

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Unfortunately don’t they show up whether you want them to or not? I mean, how do you say no?

~~~~~

Whenever I spend time with my family they always have a million questions about Celiac. And I should have all the answers but sometimes I don’t if you can believe it. Don’t tell my kids.   But I do have Google. And if I don’t have Google I have my sister, Catherine who goes by the nickname…Gacopedia because she is a wealth of useless information.

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This last weekend someone asked if the super high restaurant grill would burn off the gluten thus rendering the grill capable and safe of cooking for me.
I’ll be honest, I immediately thought…nope. And if I had to put money on it (I usually say I’d bet my husband’s paycheck and he usually says to stop betting his paychecks…hahaha)…
I think I hesitated when I answered and said I didn’t think so. I’d have to research it.But I figured …no. I mean…that’s pretty sketch.
Well they were more convinced than I was but I wasn’t willing to risk it. It’s my gut.
Gacopedia came right home and researched that sucker and came up with this article:
Gluten Deteriorates in High Temps????

I skimmed it quick and then asked her…um…if I read it right it says
it sounds like it would but only if left to burn it clean at that high temperature for a ridiculous length of time? Did I skim that super quick accurately enough?
Which basically says to me…NOPE.
But apparently I did not. Full disclosure I seriously SERIOUSLY skimmed it. I really read like two and a half sentences because my mind was not on reading science. I was doing two things at once and I did not want to stop what I was doing to do something else.  I am selfish. I mean I should have but I just didn’t want to right then. So I did the skim. No patience.
She came back and said this:
He basically says that gluten has the strength of ten men and in order to kill it you need to incinerate it to a molecular level. At which point it becomes carcinogenic. So if you are celiac you must simply run screaming away from it.

Well okay then…I’m totally on board with that. Avoid.

One can always count on Catherine to condense things appropriately. Points on finding that article!

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~~~~~

I was going through the grocery store line and clearly buying a significant amount of gluten-free items. I don’t usually pick up this much stuff but I noticed they had new mixes from my favorite place so I grabbed some scone mixes, cake mixes and such. As the check out lady was scanning them through she said, “can I ask you something? How did you know you needed to go gluten free?”
So I told her I had a blood test and an endoscopy that told me I was Celiac. She said her husband gets a rash and the doctors told them he needed a test but he needed to eat copious amounts of gluten. She sounded intimidated.

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She said they never pursued it. It was a few years ago but he still has the rash.
I reassured her it’s simple…just eat normally and it’ll come up on the test. Eat a pizza. Have a sandwich. Don’t stress.
It’s a blood test and it’s not that expensive.
We talked for a few minutes and I sent her to Gluten Dude and his infographic of symptoms. She thanked me as I left and I thought…I need a business card. Every day I answer questions about Celiac. Every day.
I hope she remembers what I told her. She was really nice.

 

~~~~~

I’m feeling pretty normal beyond a little head pain so I’m hoping to have a regular day. Walk the dog, errands, hang with theboy RUN (my head better cooperate)

Yesterday I got a TON of errands done…don’t you love those days? #feelinproductive

#myworkoutwas
I got my steps in
twenty push ups

I know, it wasn’t much but damn it was a rough day.

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I have high hopes for today. Don’t mess with Friday the 13th.

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Run on…

Celiac and OCD. They aren’t as boring as they sound.

After all my high hopes to go running I got hit with a huge crash yesterday and all I wanted to do was sleep. I let it happen. I was super tired. I did get the house clean and the laundry done and several hours of work with the church which was a big step so I figure I made progress, right? Hm. I tell myself that anyway.
~~~~~
A few reminders…
I am not a doctor. Please call a doctor for any medical needs and issues. This is based on my own medical history.

1 in 133 people has it or 1% of the population.

If you have Hypothyroidism you are five to eight times more likely to have Celiac disease.

It takes the average person 6 to 10 years to get a correct diagnosis.

My friend has been sick for years. Like miserable sick. Joints aching, feeling terrible everything hurts she can barely function some days sick. She  finally (finally!) got a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia but only because the 19 or so doctors (I’m not kidding) didn’t really know where to go with searching. She still hurts, by the way, but hey…she has a diagnosis, right? Her son and my son were in soccer when they were very very small and now my son is off in the Marines and hers is going to school and I chat with her occasionally to say hey.
I do my best to not automatically make everyone I talk to have Celiac disease but listening to her I couldn’t help but wonder. It’s far more common than anyone thinks. And I don’t assume anyone has it. But if you have even a few symptoms I think it’s worth the blood test because it’s a very inexpensive test and one can be Celiac and have no symptoms. It’s worth just to be sure. Everything she was saying was so familiar in one way or another and she just had so many issues.  I finally asked if she was Hypothyroid and she said yes…since just after her son was born. This is very common. Pregnancy often brings on thyroid issues. Well, that clinched it. With the thyroid and Celiac being so closely linked it was only logical she have the test to eliminate the option. I was frankly shocked no one had done it already. I had to be intrusive and push it on her.
I sent her the link to Glutendude’s symptom chart and asked her to count up how many of them she had.
She came back a few minutes later and said, “47”.
Yeah…I think you need a Celiac test. As luck would have it, she had a doctor appointment coming up so she sent her doctor a message and asked for a test.
Tonight she sent me the results.
She’s positive.
I seriously almost cried for her.
Celiac is very commonly misdiagnosed as Fibromyalgia because doctors do not know what it is. 
How many doctors she saw. How many times she was blown off, ignored, misdiagnosed and sent somewhere else because they had no clue. I can’t believe she finally has an answer. I’m ridiculously happy for her to know she can maybe feel better.
This isn’t to say her life is now going to be 100% perfect but this woman has been in misery. Her pain has been unbelievable. Hopefully she’ll finally get some relief.

This is 2017. As I said above, I couldn’t believe no one had already run the test on her.
Gluten free jokes are rampant on late night, in books, in songs and on television everywhere. I can get “gluten free” in restaurants (purportedly) and I can go to gluten free bakeries and restaurants that are exclusively gluten free and Celiac safe. Gluten free is NOT a secret thing. But 19 doctors and not one of them thought to run this test?  With her being Hypothyroid even?  It’s really a sad commentary on what we’re dealing with in the Celiac community. We always think it’s getting better and then something happens like this.

My own doctor even (who is no longer my doctor because he left but randomly I did like him) did not believe I had Celiac disease despite a positive blood test and a positive endoscopy. What.the.hell. He thought it was “trendy”.
I’m…sorry?

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yeah. That’s what I said.
Don’t make it so hard. The answer is there. Just because the rest of the world is being stupid doesn’t mean we have to be.  Fortunately my other doctors (yes, plural) respected the science and were grateful for an answer or I’d still be lost.
Fun fact: It was my suggestion to test me for Celiac.
We have to be our own advocates, especially in this age of skepticism and the internet when the doctors think we’re all just house wives sitting on our asses sitting at home googling Malaria.

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Somehow an eyeroll seems so inadequate. It can be infuriating to be treated this way. I just remember that I’m right. I prepare by being very confident, going in with documentation and intelligent questions and making sure I am as informed as I can be.
I could care about whether or not my doctor believed me but I didn’t because I knew and that was all that mattered.

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~~~~~
The following is a video by John Green talking about his issues with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and his new book, Turtles All the Way Down. I could really relate to his obsessive thought process. I struggle with the same thing and I have a difficult time controlling it for sure. Mine doesn’t work the exact same way his does, though as he is quick to say everyone’s does work different.  I don’t imagine poisoned food or anything. I just get a terrible thought in my head or a thought I can’t get out of my head (it’s never a good thought) and it’s there replaying like a bad movie over and over and over. Spiders? check. Those suckers are there. They’ll multiply. I’ll have one spider on the counter and pretty soon it’s the biggest spider or six spiders until the movie in my head makes them 100,000 spiders spreading everywhere. The movie I can’t stop.
If I do something embarrassing I’ll replay it over and over and over and over and I can’t stop the replay no matter how much I want to. I’ll be having a normal conversation with you but in the back of my head…replay.
I do have tricks to get past it but they aren’t gone, they’re filed. If the filing cabinet gets opened they’ll be pulled out at a later date. It’s super fun. So I’ll be reading this book because I think the subject is incredibly interesting and also because I love John Green.

If you need mental health services in the U.S., you can find help through SAMHSA     : https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
~~~~~
When someone unfriends you on FB but six months later they come out of hiding on Instagram (one post kind of people) to like one of your son’s wedding pictures.  I see you. And I don’t know what to do with you.

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I couldn’t have one without the other..so great.  Also, she unfriended me because I don’t like Trump.

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It’s possible it’s really late and I need more sleep because I’m out of control with the gifs. Moving on now.

~~~~~
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Run on…

the quick and dirty.

Quick and dirty update on me  and then we’re moving on.
This has been the best round of Botox yet. They said it would continue to improve as time went on and they weren’t kidding. I had one seriously bad migraine and that was it. Otherwise I’ve mostly managed with Excedrin and barely needed it. My skin is a little tender today. That tells me I’m thinking about getting a migraine but I’m managing it so there you go.

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I have not been eating well all weekend and it shows in the fact that I’ve been sick.  I lost my dinner on Friday and every day since. Today I am determined to make it through the day. Eating clean is really important to maintaining my carefully balanced stomach.  My morning today was hot water and lemon (thank you Lord for good things like this!) I’m usually incredibly careful but it was wedding weekend and we were traveling and chaos ensued. And let’s face it, we can have a routine all we want but sometimes we go off the rails. It happens.

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When you talk to someone about something that is on your mind and they come completely unglued about your obsessive behavior and proceed to tell you how nuts you are. Because hey…I didn’t already know that based on the constant movie reel in my head.

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She’s probably wishing she had right about now. ::eyeroll::

I have finally finished putting away the weekend wedding stuff.  Okay, mostly. How nuts is that? There was so.much.stuff. Rehearsal dinner stuff. Food and pans and snacks. Clothes for the weekend and clothes for the wedding. Jewelry and shoes, make up and flowers. So many flowers. I’ve never been happier for the trash guy to get here. If I see another formal gown I might scream. I might just take them to the consignment store.  I need my house back. So much stuff.

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In a classic case of ~can you believe today’s news~ I don’t know if I should be more horrified by the wildfires in California or the years of disgusting abuse by Harvey Weinstein. And Donna Karan…hello??  What the hell? She had to apologize of course. There was no coming back from that.

Here’s a link to helping out for the fires. The losses are so devastating.

Eminem at the HipHop awards. He does not mess around.

Anyone heard anything on Puerto Rico????

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I didn’t do anything yesterday for exercise. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.  Zero. And I felt it. So today I’m going to run because I think I need some quiet time to zen out.
Winter is so close (we’ve already had snow!) so I am going to try and enjoy some fall leaf running while I can.

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Run on…

Behind the scenes of a perfect day.

This was wedding weekend and I thought I’d take the opportunity to let you know about the behind the scenes fabulousness that was our life.

Where we stayed:
Months ago I found a VRBO (sean informed me this was “vacation Rental by Owner” which I officially did not know. Full disclosure I hadn’t ever bothered to look or even think about it because I didn’t care enough. But I do like knowing things so there you go). This was a house in Evergreen, CO at the top of a mountain…7000 ft and change if I remember correctly. There were two queen size beds…super comfortable… and two twin beds. These are homes people either buy and use as rentals or they are homes they use themselves and rent out when they aren’t using them. This is the case for this rental. It was fully stocked. Anything we could have wanted, the house was there. We did have a few tiny issues but they were so minor they were things we’d have problems with in our own house, you know?

1. A full length mirror.
2. The trash can in the kitchen has a terrible lid so it kept falling. You know you’d have this problem in your own house so you’d put that on your list. Get a new trash can.
3. The stairs going down to the house were a bit tall for my mom and sister so I might consider a ramp or something. I didn’t have a problem with them but someone older might.
4. Shaughnessy washed theboy’s shirt after the rehearsal dinner and it came out with rust from the washer. Sean was in town so he stopped and picked up another one from Target. That could have been bad but it was easily fixed.
5. The shower was #notmyfavorite

1675 sq ft.
one full bath, one half.
Average cost $180 a night (for that much space in Evergreen is crazy good)

Could those issues be any more minor? They were pretty minor. The woman who rented to us was so amazing. She was kind and helpful and very communicative. She let us go in early and when a gift was accidentally found to have been thrown out in the trash (still in box and everything) she dug through the trash (!) and is meeting me in town to deliver it. She’s quite wonderful. I gave her and the house a complete five stars and if I could give them more I would. She was great.
On VRBO she is Peace of Mind vacation rental #795862 and she has 66 reviews with a rating of 4.9 (six people rated her a 4 star but their ratings are all great..ha)
I would stay there again.
The view from the deck…photo credit by Shaughnessy


Yeah, it’s that beautiful. Anytime anyone thinks about moving away they just go to the mountains. It cures all that ails us.
~~
Shaughnessy and my mom have beautiful and adorable short cute hair that suits them so perfectly I’m incredibly jealous. Catherine has long lovely hair you can actually do something with. I have…hair. Celiac hair thankyouverymuch.

So I hired Hilarie Austin. She is also the photographer at Serendipity Photography by Hilarie Austin. Catherine’s hair turned out darling and I really loved it.  I’m sorry I currently don’t have photos. I have very difficult hair though and my favorite Princess Anna has frequently told me how awful it is (she says it with love and I don’t mind at all). My hair wasn’t long enough and it just wasn’t my favorite to begin with so it wasn’t Hilarie’s fault it was my hair’s fault. She did a beautiful job with what she had to work with. If I had it to do over again I would have left it down. I really wanted it down but the day before Evergreen had TERRIBLE wind and more wind was predicted.  I envisioned crazy wind photos. Well we were only in photos for about 3 minutes anyway and there was no wind at all that day so it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d rather have good hair. I was really self conscious of a tiny little head with stupid hair the whole night. I wanted to hide in a closet.  I should always go with my instincts. And with what Shaughnessy says. She suggested it when I said my head hurt. I should have listened.
Hilarie was darling. She was funny and nice and very very talented. I would totally hire her again. She did a great job on both of us.

~~~
For our makeup I hired Ally Wright Triolo. She is also on Instagram at @beautynouveaux .

She did a really beautiful job coming in with suitcases and airbrush plug-in things, brushes and tools and seriously…that girl had stuff. She was not messing around. She was so fun and man we really lucked out with great people that day.

And oh…the eyelashes.

~~~

Our “getting ready” day was so fun. It was relaxing and laid back…talking and laughing and eating pizza and drinking beer.
Okay, I didn’t do either of those things. But it was there.

The day was really just the perfect way to relax before a big event.

The guys were also VERY stressed and began getting ready hours before the event…


~~~~

Shaughnessy and I went for a run that morning….you should know we were at the TOP of the mountain. The top. The…top. Really.
The driveway starts out like this….



Terrible, right? Really not pretty at all.
And the road continues with the fall leaves, babbling brooks, deer nibbling at the side of the road…it’s incredible.
Here’s a sign on the way up the mountain to give you an idea of the road…



It’s pretty freakin’ steep and windy.  So we innocently ran down the mountain completely besotted with runner’s bliss. In the back of my head I knew we’d have to go up and it would not be good but…the down was just so great. So I encouraged the bad behavior.

It was windy and steep and the most beautiful fall mountain road you’ve ever seen.


Photos all by Shaughnessy

We walked back up. There was no running up that mountain.

Shaughnessy may have been able to run it but I totally walked. Although I was texting for part of it and I can’t concentrate and run at the same time (wedding day stuff) and also talking so I definitely had no air.

I’m going to say it ranks as one of my favorite runs ever. It was so good. I loved the weekend for those little moments. There were butterflies and leaves flying and birds chirping and deer nibbling and it was like a Disney movie. Shaughnessy said she was “Snow Whiting it”. Ain’t that the truth. What a perfect day.  It was short run….like two miles total I think? Short and sweet.

And there you have our day.
~~~
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Run on…

Wedding weekend!

My son got married this weekend.  They were so beautiful  and the wedding was just what they wanted. There were beautiful bridesmaids and the little girls….the absolute cutest.  The groomsmen were handsome and I was so glad to see them! Some of them are like my own kids (okay really just one…shout out to Corey Joe but Mike is a really close second. I do love him). There was a horse drawn carriage (he didn’t really have to go very far so…) but he was there and a bagpiper with quite a lot of personality and it was all really beautiful. 

I have hardly ANY pictures.  And every photo I have I totally stole it. I will share the few that I do have though…


photo credit: Melanie Pfeffer
Then there is my incredible daughter because seriously look at this:

 photo credit: Adam and “the iPhone 8” –

I know, right? You have no idea how freaking smart she is. She’s crazy smart.
My mom took a ton of pictures. I just am a giant fail. That’s what I should have been doing!  My mom and my sister, Catherine, they looked SO GOOD> I had the photographer take photos but I never step in when there is a photographer so I didn’t take photos over her.
The flower girls…yeah, they were pretty adorable.


photo credit: one of their parents. Nichole I suspect. I stole it from her FB
And Grandma Dot saved the day with a photo of theboy…



yeah…he was totally that cute. The bow tie was killer. He has that swoopy wavy hair that women love but everyone that has it hates.  He’s my favorite.

Can we talk about how perfect the weather was? It was the clearest day ever. The sun was bright and warm and it was gorgeous. It was Evergreen so it got cold pretty quick and that was no joke for all the girls in short skirts and my mom. She’s easily cold, like me. I had a jacket with me and it went well with the dress so it worked to wear it. Thank the Lord. I would have died in the cold. My poor mom kept going to the car. She was pretty cold.
Let’s face it. The important part, the wedding, the weather cooperated for that.

These kind of events, my husband and I decided, expect joy and love and the stuff your most favorite wedding movies are made of. I think a key ingredient to that component is…interestingly enough…alcohol. Because it was all there. The beautiful people, your best friends, your family, great food and dancing. But I have such anxiety in those tight spaces and I can’t hear well and I can’t talk to people and it’s difficult to travel from one space to the other and I can’t drink to relax so I can’t even really think well (hence the no pictures) and so I was…quite anxious with all those people and I didn’t know most of them and talking to anyone was difficult. Theboy reached meltdown phase right after the toasts when he figured out he drank all his juice and there wasn’t anymore. He was done and loudly proclaimed it. I felt SO bad. But once he left my table I don’t sit still well so I was a ball of energy needing to expel it.

My daughter has recommended I get an edible the next time and trust me, it’s crossed my mind. It’s a fleeting thought. Why leave Sean out in the cold. He can’t have one for his job and he’s in the same boat as me. We are apparently not good at these events. To be clear, it’s not the event, it’s totally us.  Also, I felt very out of my own skin in what I was wearing and how my hair was and everything. I wasn’t very confident. I didn’t feel very comfortable and that makes me feel conspicuous.

Which brings up the whole … how many men do we know that were borderline inappropriate with us and that was pretty uncomfortable…
Shaughnessy and I batted that conversation around for awhile.

Melanie, Megan’s mom, bought Sean and I gluten free cupcakes…I love that. So great. My mom had already bought me SIX cupcakes so…
we won’t talk about how many cupcakes I’ve eaten this weekend.   If there was ever a weekend to indulge it would be wedding weekend. So much deliciousness.

I’ve thrown a wedding. It’s an incredible amount of work. She did a wonderful job. I’ve been that stressed. I was her. Mine had issues. Hers had issues. They all have issues. None of them matter because everyone had a wonderful time and it was memorable and beautiful and and just what Alex and Megan wanted.

Alex Michael had to speak at both the rehearsal and at the wedding and he’s so well spoken he did a beautiful job.  He’s charming, funny and gracious.  I’ve lost count of the number of people that have told me what a wonderful man I have for a son. People tell me that about my kids so much and I never, ever get tired of hearing it. I’m just so beyond grateful because I know I only had a small part in it. They’re just such great people I’m the one that is so lucky to be a part of their lives (thought I’d say blessed there, didn’t you?  hashtag blessed! <say with a very sweet voice  LOL I can hear Shaughnessy’s voice and I am out loud laughing.)
See? I get to be their mom.  Doesn’t get better than that.

Running talk probably will resume tomorrow…thanks for being patient!

Let's find some beautiful place to get lost | Anonymous ART of Revolution

Run on…

 

We’re all just a little busy on this end.

This has been a crazy busy week.

As opposed to every other week…
I mean, I flat out ignored you guys yesterday.

They’re all crazy busy weeks now. But I suspect things will quiet down just a little bit like…next week

Friday is rehearsal.
Saturday is the wedding.
Sunday people begin to leave.
Monday more people leave.

Tuesday we take a deep breath.

So bear with me…
We might be taking a little break for a few days. You know because my kid is getting married.

I’m ironing.
(a very VERY little bit)
doing some laundry.
running (every day that I possibly can no matter what time of the day or night because it is mandatory)
cleaning (no matter what)
drinking LOTS of water to feel as good as possible (my stomach is unhappy this week for some random reason (does it need a reason?)

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working a lot

and I got to see Miss Andrea.

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We made Oreo bon bons.

She got a little too free with the chocolate and the cookie dough and those little balls were lookin’ a little rough. I had to straighten her out.

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She then proclaimed she knew I would totally go out and buy all new supplies to make them all over again after she left if I didn’t like how they turned out.

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Ha. No, she’s totally right.

She knows me really really well.

But they turned out great so I do not have to go buy new supplies thanktheLord because I have other things to do.

Remember to run, People. In the midst of all of this insanity, take care of yourselves. Not just family stuff like weddings and things, anything. Take care of yourselves.
And turn off the news. What else is there to hear? There was a tragedy. We heard. Now step away from it and watch something happy. Or listen to music you can’t go wrong with that.
Turn it off and make yourself happy for a minute. It’s okay. It will all still be there tomorrow.
~~~~~

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Run on..