Who the hell decided to change the spelling of dilemna?
Probably the same people who struggle to spell loose and lose. ::eyeroll::
So if you read or know me at all …or for like…ten minutes…then you know I have migraines.
They are mostly managed in my own wacked out way though it is a real issue I deal with every day.
This is just a grumble.
Bear with me please.
When someone finds out I have migraines ~which they inevitably do whether I tell them or someone else does~ and they proceed to tell me how awful their migraines are. Not that I’m unsympathetic…I’m completely sympathetic.
But here I am, a fully functioning mom, worker in the work force and let’s face it…wife and runner, runner and wife. I’m out there. I’m gettin’ it done.
What I hear is this, “You’re so lucky. When I get a migraine I can’t move. I have to close up in a dark room with the blinds closed and a cold washcloth on my head and no noise at all and it feels like a knife is being stabbed in me. There is NO way I could come to work.”
Because their migraines are actually really bad. I just have baby migraines apparently.
There’s no way to say to every single person that shares with me:
- I wake up most mornings with a migraine. No, they are not all a 10 on the scale of 1 to 10. But they are all on the migraine scale so I figure that gets me there. Most people wake up refreshed after a good nights sleep so I’m already a step behind.
- I wake up incredibly early from the pain and lie there waiting to see if it dissipates on its own
- If it remains unbearable…I force myself up and take meds
- every morning I hear my moms voice worrying about my liver
- at least once a week I go to work with a migraine that is kicking my ass. Like…a 9 or 10 on the scale.
- I used to automatically go to the hospital with a 10. Then I got the bill with the new insurance. *sigh* Now I suck it up.
- my bedroom is painted dark brown with matching blinds because it helps my head from the light.
- When raising my kids, I tried many many different kinds of preventative meds (with awesome doctors) to see what worked for me. But the bottom line is…when your kids have to get to school or you have a two year old…the migraine has to be dealt with. You don’t GET to curl up in a dark room and push it aside. Who gets to do that?
- Two of my kids have told me they will remember me always having a headache. Awesome. I LOVE that. How many fabulous things have I done as a mom and that’s what they remember? I hope they remember I did really cool things despite the migraines.
- Sean is amazing and has many times taken care of me at the end of the day after HE’S had a long day of work. He comes home, feeds the kids, puts them to bed, runs them to sports, etc. I’m sure he has his share of memories with my migraines. He’s a rockstar.
- Then there’s the…do we take her to the hospital or not? question. And then dealing with the outrageous emergency room bill when we do.
Seriously…he puts up with a lot.
- About every six months I have a pity party and cry about why I have to deal with this. And then I get over it.
- I have a huge list of everyday foods I can’t eat because they are triggers for migraines. They include caffeine, alcohol, cheese and I’m legit allergic to chocolate.
I recognize I’m incredibly blessed. The meds keep them SO under control. Excedrin is my friend. We have great insurance. I have the best doctor ever. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. Really. I have to deal with migraines? This is nothing.
So when people tell me how awful their migraines are I politely nod, express sympathy, occasionally have small talk with them or share something out of politeness, but I try not to. It’s just too personal. I don’t have the luxury of curling up in a dark room with a migraine. They won’t understand so I just don’t share.
It doesn’t make it less frustrating to hear though.
Day three of no running and Day one of kind of missing it.
A run is in the books for tomorrow.