A good friend recently asked me, “what do you do badly?”
She seemed to think I could do a lot.
Where do I begin? Do you have time? Pull up a chair…
I begin this post by saying what I’ve said before…
I have one really awesome trait that fools people…
I am not afraid…
To clarify, for most things and on the surface, I am not afraid. And even if I am I will tackle it anyway. I will just do it. Because it upsets me more to think I won’t do something because I’m afraid of it than to face it head on afraid anyway and beat its ass. I mean, I’m afraid either way, right? So…
Here’s where we find my problem. I’m not really any good at anything. I’ll DO anything. If there’s a group of us and no one wants to do it? I’ll do it. I’m not afraid. Because someone has to. What the hell? What’s the worst that can happen? I screw it up? Yes. Truthfully about 75% of the time…I do.
I am no good at waltzing. I told my dad I could totally waltz. I was a teenager and we were at a wedding and I said, “Sure! I can totally do that!” Never did it before in my life. He figured it out pretty quick and told me so. I was incredibly embarrassed.
I also could not make an egg salad sandwich. Told my mom and dad I would TOTALLY make my dad an egg salad sandwich for dinner. Made a perfect egg over easy for his sandwich. He ate it. Dawned on me about two hours later…huh. Bet I was NOT supposed to make the egg that way. I don’t eat those kind of egg sandwiches so I didn’t put that together. I was so proud of myself for not breaking the yolk. haha.
I cannot do texture on walls to save my life.
I cannot do photoshop on the computer and have no idea how to even begin to do it.
I can run marathons…but very very very slowly.
I can run 5k’s, but very very slowly.
I can cook…but not great. So I don’t like to.
I love the computer...but only know enough to save my life.
I can swim…but only know enough to save my…well you get the gist.
I used to be great at math. In the fifth grade.
The two things I absolutely will NOT tackle and you can’t make me are spiders and ski lifts.
**I figure I’m brave enough. I can have two scary things.**
For me the deal is being afraid. I don’t want to be afraid all the time. So I just ask myself if what I’m doing makes me afraid.
So to answer the question, is there anything I do badly? Most things. Most things I do badly. I wish there was one thing I did really really well. You know, that talent you can say, “yep. this is mine. I do this”. I don’t have that. I don’t do anything well. Except have migraines. And tackle the scary things.
But I’m well known to just jump in and do the scary thing.
I think I’ll run a marathon…on Sunday. I think I’ll run another one in two weeks.
I think I’ll run 13 half marathons this year.
I think I’ll start a blog.
Run Tess Run made me very afraid. Because it was putting my words out there. And there are SO many cool blogs out there and mine is…eh. Okay. But I always wanted to write (doesn’t everyone?). I was held back by a lot of things to include an amazing writer daughter who has more talent in her pinky than I do in my whole body for sure. And good LORD she should never edit my words because I write like I think and there is NO cohesive thought to it. No proper grammar. No appropriate punctuation. *shudder* Probably give her a migraine just thinking about it.
So my #1 worry was what if no one read my blog and what if they laughed at me for even having one…or for what I wrote. I just decided if I was going to get past the fear, I needed to just do it. So I did. Did I help? Nope. Every single time I post…I’m afraid.
Every single time.