Okay world. Show me what you’ve got.
It wakes me up.
I don’t even lift my head because I just…know.
I can taste it.
What time is it?
I wear a watch to bed..I like to know the time whenever I wake up, even in the middle of the night. So I always wear a watch.
But I don’t know the time.
My alarm hasn’t gone off so it’s clearly very early.
I could reach for my phone…
They all have the same problem.
LED light in that dark room. I can feel the pain searing my head without pushing a button. Just the thought.
Just the thought of the light …
So not worth it.
So I lie there.
With that nauseous taste in my mouth.
And I can feel it as it covers the right side of my head.
My eyes, I want to say ache, but it’s more than ache. And I’m not even sure it’s my eyes. Behind my eyes? Down the right side of my head and around to the back. But mostly the right side. And my head is SO heavy. Please…just hold my head. It’s so heavy.
What the hell time is it??
I used to keep drugs just for this event next to me on the nightstand but then we got Eliot. And he’s so worth it, I don’t risk it anymore. So I know I have to get up and go downstairs.
I don’t know if I can.
Maybe if I lie here a little longer it’ll go away…cause…that’s happened before… *sarcasm*
I don’t lie still well. I have to move. So I know I have to get up and get meds. It’s only going to get worse. But the pain in moving … I can’t tell you.
And I know the kitchen is cold. So I need socks. And a sweater. And I have to find these things quietly and in the dark. And I can’t think.
I just want drugs.
I have to work today. I know this. I work most days with my migraines. But they are generally “low grade”. This one is going to be tough. This is a migraine that is kicking my ass.
I have made it to the kitchen and downed some meds and had a lot of water. It dissolves the meds and helps them to work faster. Now I’m attempting to function normally as a human being. Mostly…I want to curl up in bed for the day. I can’t realistically take all those days off everyone thinks I should when I have a migraine. It’s not practical. I have to do my job. Also, I’m part time. No benefits. My work is awesome. They would give me time off, but I would require more than the average bear.
I’m typing on my computer which I have on it’s lowest light setting. Yes, it hurts. I don’t want to lie down because the drugs will make me go to sleep. But if I stay up they won’t do anything, random I know. So I stay up and I type and I chat with friends. And I try not to think about how bad it hurts. And how much I have to do today and how much I probably won’t get done. And how much I feel like I neglect my family when it hurts like this.
Update: It’s an hour later and my head has gone from what was most certainly a ten on a scale of one to ten to…an eight. I’m being optimistic. It hurts. My amazing family is having breakfast in a dark kitchen.
I know many people who have had migraines. Nearly every one asks me with enthusiastic interest what kind of aura I get…or do I get the blinking lights on the outer edges of my vision? Do things get fuzzy?
Mostly…no. Occasionally…but it’s pretty rare.
For the longest time I thought I was an imposter. Maybe I didn’t really have “real” migraines. Maybe I had really bad headaches and I was just misdiagnosed.
Nope. This is a migraine. It’s a familiar feeling on a smaller scale that I get a lot of my days. I thank Topamax for reigning in the insanity. It is a drug I take to prevent my migraines and also to keep the ones I do have from reaching DEFCON 1.
But the pain seeps into my bones.
The drugs take edge off the migraine and make it “workable”. They don’t make me foggy, I’ve probably been taking them too long to have that effect. So I can take them and get through my day. But I’d love to take the “knock me out and let me sleep for twelve hours” drug. That’s my dream.
I walk through my day, counting people’s money, working on my reports, taking care of the family and every once in a while I stop and breathe. And just…breathe. I can…do this.
I can breathe.
This pain will pass and I will live to see another day pain free. It may not be today or tomorrow but it will be there and I just need to power through.
Random, I know, but who doesn’t love a good The Princess Bride GIF?
I leave you with that. Sorry if I’ve posted about the migraine saga before. Just felt the need. Please have a wonderful day. It’s bitter cold here but not like on the East coast. A lot of people have the day off. Cuddle up, drink hot chocolate and introduce your kids to The Princess Bride if they haven’t already seen it.
Sean and I introduced MT to Gilligan’s Island the other day. So many cultural references! He had to learn…it was in his best interest.
And if the kids are in school or you don’t have kids…enjoy your day and dig out your favorite movie you haven’t seen in years. It’s worth it.