We interrupt regularly scheduled programming for a little sad…I’m sorry for this.

Yesterday while at work I got a message from my sick friend.

She doesn’t have a cold. She has cancer.

After trying everything she was messaging me to tell me they can’t really do anything else for her and she had chosen to stop the fight and end this with some form of dignity.

This would be something I would expect from someone who naturally carries herself with dignity and grace.

I’ve mentioned her before. I don’t want to go into specifics but she has been through far too much in the past few years and this was an unfair blow from the universe.

They’ve given her three weeks at the most.

Three freaking weeks. 

God. 

I can say that because part of me is calling to him.

This is not someone I spent an inordinate amount of time with. I’ve really only met her in real life four times I think. geez. Now that I say that I think it’s three times.

But we formed a bond over Facebook in the middle of the night messaging.

We are nearly the same age, our kids were born nearly the same years, and we were married nearly as long. It was a good connection.

People that bash Facebook have no concept of what it has the capability of doing, bonding people long distance.

She, understandably, has said she is spending this time with her family and best friend but she appreciates my friendship and the time we had together.

I can’t tell you had sad I am.

I can’t describe how dark my heart feels.

I really have no words. 

Do you suppose bolding and italicizing and changing the color of the words will appropriately stress the sadness, the pain and the total and absolute wrong this is?

No. Just no.

For my friend can I say…

you have lived well, this far too short life.

You raised good kind men.

You were a beautiful good wife, you loved and were loved beyond measure.

You took adventures when you could.

You rested when you should.

Oh you wrote such beautiful words.

You were a mentor and a friend.

I’m so sorry your life is cut so short.

I’m so sorry for all of your pain, physical and emotional.

Thank you for touching my life.

I wish I could hold your hand.

This blog post took me two days to write.

My words did your life no justice.

I love you Friend.

No more death or sorrow or crying or pain

14 Comments

Filed under Spirituality, Tess

14 Responses to We interrupt regularly scheduled programming for a little sad…I’m sorry for this.

  1. Diane

    Tess, I’m so sorry.

    I get this. I have friends, but only a handful that I see regularly and that are a big part of my everyday life. Online connections and bonds are made at times that surprise us and often seem odd to others. But, friendships are made and have deep roots. I have quite a few virtual friends that I’ve never met thanks to a few blogs, my running group on Facebook and Words for Friends.

    All I can say is to make the most of everyday and live life to the fullest as we never know what tomorrow may bring. Hugs…..

    • tess conley

      Thank you so much Diane. I agree with all of that. Isn’t it strange the places we make our friendships? Sometimes you just want to yell at the universe for how wrong things are. This one is really really wrong. Thanks for the hugs.

  2. Catherine Dove

    I’m sorry.

    • tess conley

      Thanks Sisterfriend. 🙁 It’s so awful. Even if I knew it was coming. It just came so freaking fast.

  3. Catherine Dove

    There are no words of comfort. It just feels like a punch to the gut. I wish I could say or do something, but there is nothing to give you but my sympathy. I hope her family gets some quality time with her and I hope you can laugh with her again and I hope for her a passing with no pain. I will oray for her and her family and for you. I love you.

    • tess conley

      Thank you. I actually got to share two sentence with her last night. She’s in a lot of pain but not taking anything because she wants to remain lucid. So yes, I’m praying for no pain, too.

  4. Hugs. So sorry to hear this. So sad. I’ll be sending good thoughts to her (and you.)

  5. Katrina

    There are no words, so sorry for your friend and you Tess.

  6. I am so sorry. You are a good friend. Your loss cannot be justified.

    And — Overheard at a gravesite: “And they all said ’I’m sorry for your loss,’ as if you were someone who could ever be taken from me.” [Robert Brault]

    • tess conley

      Thank you Traci. What a true and beautiful sentiment. Thank you. I’m sorry to share a sad post today. But she’s so on my mind I couldn’t hold it in.

  7. Dot Reichert

    Sad. I cried when I read this. At least we know she has someone waiting for her on the other side.

    • tess conley

      I know. I said that too. It’s really my only consolation. And I cry when I read the replies. It just breaks my heart.