We had theboy for the night.
When he got here he sat on the floor in his coat and hat, played quietly with his Legos and declared “I’m excited to be here all night”.
oh my heart…
this is joy.
We took him to the movie.
as he sat in the dark (on my lap because it was loud and scary) he was engrossed in what he was watching.
I couldn’t not take a picture…I watched him as much as I watched the movie.
And I thought…
this is joy.
When we got home it was late and he didn’t want his coat and hat off. I told him he needed jammie pants on.
He said he had jammie pants on (as he showed me he had on underwear…I suppose that’s valid).
Thinking he would be cold, I told him his Papa had packed comfy pants for him.
Oh he cried. He didn’t WANT those new comfy pants.
I managed to get the soft fleece pants on him and the instant one leg hit...he melted like butter.
“I LOVE these comfy pants!” he exclaimed, “and they have moons and stars!”
and I really really thought…
*sigh* this is joy.
He slept. and not well.
He was up several times during the night and cried and cried. I would soothe him and he’d drift off and I’d lie there and watch him sleep and worry he was having bad dreams.
I thought of my sick friend.
How much the universe was taking from her.
How much I was going to miss my midnight friend.
I messaged her and talked to her a bit. and I cried.
Probably too much.
And I thought….
this. is. heartbreak.
When I woke up this morning~it was far too early as my body still wakes me at my regular time even with my migraines.
I treated it and we started preparing for Sean’s birthday brunch.
I love cooking brunch.
We had chocolate chip pancakes, hashbrowns, cranberry muffins, scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage.
We added some blackberries and strawberries with whipped topping for the pancakes and oh the happiness on the boys face…
He said he wanted chocolate chip pancakes and syrup but he didn’t want the syrup to touch the chocolate chips. Uh…OCD much? Shaughnessy said that was not happening.
Later she said she figured out he means he wanted the syrup on the other side of the pancake (chocolate chips sink to one side) and it was so reasonable she did it and realized how many other things did she get mad at him for and it was all because she didn’t speak four year old. LOL
so true. None of us speak four year old.
And we laughed and we joked and oh my gosh it was so much fun and I thought…
As everyone quieted after brunch, Sean wasn’t feeling very great so he went upstairs to lie down for a few minutes.
I went up to check on him when MT was looking for someone to help him with his truck. Always working on a project, that one.
My head had definitely decided to make its presence known and I had taken some stronger meds to control it. I was working around that pain.
Entering my quiet dark bedroom with the northern lighting trying to come through the sheer curtains it was like the sun trying to peek through clouds but not quite making it… and my eyes thanked me for taking the light down.
I sat on the side of the bed at an angle and touched him as he slept.
Making an instant decision… I stretched out next to him in the dark and the quiet…if only for one minute, I told myself.
He moved in his sleep to make room for me and his hand went onto the familiar husband spot on the small of my back, warming my skin.
My head touched a soft warm pillow and the relief…oh the relief of not holding my head up…not having the pain in that moment…and it all came together right then. Even with the migraine. Lying there with him.
He doesn’t feel good.
I don’t feel good.
His hand is warm on my bare back. His lips are on my forehead, even in his sleep. We fit together easily after these years of being each other’s person. My head is gratefully on the pillow. The room is so so quiet. This three minute rest (okay…I may have overstayed) may be the best part of my day. It’s the culmination of all of it. Without this man I wouldn’t have any of it and as always, I’m so thankful for him.
And I thought…
This is joy.