What are you afraid of?

Spiders.

Ski lifts.

I was reading a friends FB yesterday and he was talking about going skiing last weekend and he ran into a friend. She didn’t get to ski, she only got to the top of the lift and fell off at the top, breaking her wrist.  

Everyone says lifts are perfectly safe. Everyone has a ~fell of the lift~ story. 

Doesn’t it look pretty?  Don’t be fooled…it’s a death trap for those uncoordinated fools who can’t figure out how to get on and off the thing. I totally know I’d do serious bodily injury even attempting it. 

I’ll stick with running, thanks.

Being lost.

I was driving to the Springs to get my hair done and as I drove I had the most basic epiphany. So crazy that it came to me like that. I am so hard on myself.

I’ve gone to Anna for years and never had a problem.  She’s moved many times, but it’s so habit now, I travel the same routes, the same highways, the same exits.

Colorado Springs isn’t huge. It’s a small military community and it’s a simple thing to grab an main exit that takes a route that will branch out to whatever road you are looking for. Even I would struggle to get lost there, and that’s saying something. When you add the smart phone/GPS factor in, I’m doing well.  It’s a straight drive.

After driving it over and over and over I don’t look anymore. I just drive it. I’m on auto pilot.

Then one day…I wasn’t.

I approached the exit and nothing looked familiar. Nothing about it was right. Even the number, exit 150. That couldn’t be right. Wasn’t it #153?  Or was it #151.

You know, I’m probably remembering her old place.  Let me just go a little farther. This takes me too far. Maybe If I turn around…

And back I go past #150 again and nothing looks familiar.

lost animated GIF

I finally pull over into a gas station and attempt to plug her salon into the GPS…

I know, this is kind of nuts, right?  How could this even be happening to me.

But I’m not panicking…okay, I’m nervous. I’m feeling really really out of control.

I can’t find her salon in Google so I’m not finding an address to put  in the GPS.

Now…I could call her. But how freaking embarrassing is this situation.

ryan gosling animated GIF

Deep breaths.

Maybe it’s in an old email.

Stop and search old emails.

Drive again…take #150 and see where it leads because clearly my rational world is colliding with complete irrational. This HAS to be the exit. You can’t be any later. Just do it. (thankyouNike)

I do this…and as I take it…I see, it is in fact my exit and I drive to her shop with only minor hesitations at the street signs.

When I get there the adrenaline has me shaking with frustration and nerves and that out of control awful feeling.

How crazy was this, right?

Now how crazy when I tell you it happened every time for over a year. And every time I thought…write it down. Tell yourself the exit before you leave. Give yourself instructions on your way out the door. Put the directions on your visor. Put them in your phone. Say it over and over.

150-150-150-150-150

This was my Celiac worst. When I was my sickest. When my doctor and I thought my hypothyroidism was my most out of control and we “tweaked” my numbers several times because I just felt awful no matter how great my numbers were.

Blood test after blood test and finally I said, “could it be Celiac?”

And she ordered the test.

I’ve been gluten free since April but you know it takes months and sometimes years to truly be gluten free and also symptom free. And it requires diligence.

I noticed symptoms slowly improving my life as the weeks went on. I had SO much more energy, my biggest complaint. I could run again, work out again, and not nap all day long. I wasn’t sick all the time, I wasn’t itchy all the time and I’m not nauseous after every meal. My joints didn’t hurt ever single morning. Such a relief! My nails, with the help of supplements, are getting so strong. And my hair…well, there’s not really any hope for my hair except Anna.  I knew it affected me with a bit of brain fog but this I just noticed this week. Again, like you’re on auto pilot and it suddenly dawns on you.

I drove straight there. I didn’t even think about it. Just…drove to see Anna. Like a normal person would. Didn’t panic at the exit. Didn’t panic at the road sign for which street was hers. I drove straight there.

Life.freaking.changing.

I never told anyone this happened.  I certainly never told anyone it happened every time I drove to Anna’s. And I tell Sean everything. But at a certain point your life becomes a new level of embarrassing. A new level of ~what is my PROBLEM?~.  A new level of terrifying, frankly. If I can’t drive somewhere on my own what else can’t I do?

I say all this and then have to confess I had a terrible Celiac crash today. Ha. It is bound to happen so…no workout. Just sleep. Lots of sleep.

Better things to come tomorrow, right?

For tomorrow… energy abounds ~

Pssst…

it’s tomorrow.

the best way to start the day...

QUOTE

Run on…

7 Comments

Filed under Celiac, Tess

7 Responses to What are you afraid of?

  1. Jan Coffee

    Wow, my poor girl. But you are getting better all the time.

    • tess conley

      I’m so much better and don’t feel like I’m losing my mind anymore. And when I do, I blame it on the men I live with… LOL

  2. Diane

    Oh my. I hope your days get better.

    • tess conley

      That was so at my worst. I’m already better and have a nice clear mind. I thank the Lord for my good doctors. And for a good support system! Thanks!

  3. Absolutely, tomorrow is a new day and maybe this is the dark before the dawn 🙂 hope tomorrow is better for you 🙂 ps. I have been lost a ridiculous amount of times if that helps at all 🙂

  4. That’s awesome that you were able to just drive there! Yay!