What’s in a name? This is not about running. Today I have to talk.

 

What is it…that makes a name mean so much?

Years ago when I named my kids I didn’t think about long term. I was young.

My sister gave her boys our maiden name for their middle names and by the time I knew that I already had two kids and they had their names and it was too late to change it. But oh I thought that was so smart. I was so envious she’d had the foresight to do that.

We’ve always been so proud of our extended families.  We are proud and loyal to each other. As girls…we don’t get the joy of passing on our dad’s family name.

My dad remarried in his last few years of life. He adopted the woman’s teenage son. I tried very hard to fit in with them and never felt very welcomed. When my dad died his daughters were virtually ignored as everyone was concerned for his wife and son. It was very painful to experience. There was a difficult falling out when she made it painfully obvious in a letter she wanted nothing to do with me so I separated myself from the family. It took years to get to the point where I could think about her without being angry and bitter.

I thank God for that gift.  It took prayer and a lot of running.

Her son just got married, I found out tonight. And after all of these years of feeling virtually nothing for them…finding out he’s married, his new wife has my dad’s name and their children will have my dad’s name…I burst into tears.

I felt it deep in my soul. My stomach hurts.

This one is hard to process.

scan0001

12 Comments

Filed under Spirituality, Tess

12 Responses to What’s in a name? This is not about running. Today I have to talk.

  1. Jan coffee

    Sorry T. Love you lots.

  2. Diane

    Hugs, I’m so sorry.

    I suspect this happens more than we think it does. Falling outs after funerals.

    • tess conley

      Thank you Diane. Yes, I’m sure it does. This was in the works for years before he passed. She was sadly not a very nice person and she was unable to hide it after he died. Usually I’m okay with it. I have amazing memories of my dad. I was his kid and he loved me fiercely. But occasionally these things bite me. This day really did.

  3. Maureen

    Ouch Tess. Why does family so often under-deliver? Speaking of pain in the name, why when we label someone “family” does it give them the ability to hurt us so much? Praying for you as always, Tess.

    • tess conley

      Mo…I agree. I’ve been far more hurt by “family” than by anyone you would call a friend or acquaintance. And unfortunately they are a part of your life whether you like it or not. And back at you, Friend.

  4. Oh, Tess, this got me. I can’t imagine how painful that must be. But know that you are your father’s daughter, always, and a name is just that- a name. It’s not what makes you who you are, and it’s not what will sustain your memories. <3 Lots of love to you.

    xo

    • tess conley

      Thank you Miss Katie. I agree. My mom and I had that moment of ~there a lot of…~ as we discussed the issue. She as heartbroken as me. So my head understands..but my heart struggles. Ha. Isn’t that how it always works? I think it takes a little more time.

  5. Hugs! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Names are such funny and powerful things..

    • tess conley

      Thank you Erin. They really are, aren’t they? We get attached and they bring up all these emotions. I figure I’ll get past it but yes, like all this family stuff that’s connected I’ll probably just have to start thinking about other things and move on slowly.