I was talking to a friend the other night. We were discussing a mutual friend and discussing how lost she seemed in her path of life but who were we to judge?
And were we judging? Or were we just observing and pondering and … marveling…
Gotta be honest. I was maybe judging a little. I think so. Yep.
She said, “I think she thinks she’s doing life right…”
So I asked her…do you think YOU’RE doing life right?
She hesitated and said I think so. I have my days.
I said I definitely don’t know. I have my doubts.
I struggle every day with these nagging doubts and issues in my mind…
Am I loving enough? Have I told everyone in my circle that I love them every chance I get?
Have I tried hard enough to stay connected to those relationships that seem determined to be that fraying thread…? Or is that just life trying to move forward and I’m holding it back.
Am I being kind every single day?
Am I forgiving?
Am I paying it forward at every opportunity?
Am I remembering to call or FB or email all those friends we are supposed to be keeping in touch with to let them know I love them?
Am I praying enough?
I should be meditating.
I need to be volunteering. I feel that pull every single day. I need to do it.
I need to tithe more. That’s always on my mind. How is it God works this way.
Why haven’t I started school? I could be learning right now. RIGHT NOW> If I die without ever having taken this opportunity…what a loss.
So many places to visit and so many things to see. Why am I not doing something every single weekend? Why do I just stay home? There are all these opportunities and not doing something every chance I get…what a loss of these opportunities.
I would get on a plane and go on a mission right now if I could. If given the opportunity…I’d go today.
Am I standing up for what I believe in?
Am I standing up when I need to?
Am I appearing weak by remaining silent? It’s my prerogative to remain silent…but does this generation know what to do with that? Or am I judged by my silence?
Am I eating right?
Am I getting enough exercise?
Am I taking the right supplements? There are so many.
I shouldn’t have eaten those Skittles. (multiply this sentence by so so many thank you Halloween)
I should find more time to read. I love to read and there never seems to ever be enough time to read. (so many books, so many adventures)
I should get a job.
Am I doing life right?
I don’t know. I just don’t ever know.
Did I do enough for my kids?
Are they happy? Did I screw them up? Could I have done more?
Was I a good enough example? Was I a bad example? (there’s those Skittles again.
Am I good enough?
Am I smart enough?
Can I do more…
There’s so much. There is just.so.much.
And on a fun new side note: I have a migraine that could kill a horse this morning.
I highly resent that.
It’s okay. I’ll live, but I’m bitter. ha. (I had nightmares so I’m sure that’s the cause…I slept poorly)
Today…lots of water and lemon…perhaps a juice fast and a run if I can drug up enough.
I could go for a run, meditate for ten minutes…read for a few and then go to church.
Those are my perfect Sundays.
What are you doing this beautiful Sunday where you’ve gained an hour? A whole hour to do with anything you like…
And this is what I did yesterday. Because sometimes it’s okay to put one thing off to do another thing…and this IS doing life right…
So he would go to the door and quietly say “trick or treat” while grasping my hand…
then he would see the bowl of candy and grab a handful which people found charming and delightful…
they would comment on his costume (are you a lizard? a dinosaur?) and he would one word it as he turned away…off to the next destination…
He somehow thought he was Godzilla. Whatever your imagination allows, Dude. We’re all in.
It was a win at every house.
I had to keep reminding him in a whisper…”say thank you”
“Thank you!” he would whisper as he ran off…
The scary one. He decided, “I’m going to be brave. DON’T COME WITH ME I’M GOING TO BE BRAVE”
But this is the wrong house to be brave at.
Big black curtains…fog…
we’ve been warned by the neighborhood about this house…
The wrought iron gate creaks open…
A man in a suit greets him…reassures us it’s not scary (yeah right, he’s four)
Says, “you have two choices. Do you want your candy here? or do you want it up the stairs behind the curtain?
Theboy says “up the stairs…I’m being brave” and charges up the stairs without hesitation.
We’re all surprised. He leads him up the stairs and behind the curtain and Shaughnessy and I can’t get up the stairs fast enough to be behind him.
Behind the curtain is a ugly ass clown crawling out from behind another curtain and he’s lit up with blacklight…
we both kind of gasp….this will not be good.
theboy looks around the blackness with the scary ass clown at his feet all lit up and creepy and says, “where’s the candy?”
Hahah. Not scared. Definitely brave.
Got this Halloween thing figured out.
We cracked up laughing…mostly from relief I think. and probably a little pride. Nice job there Little Dude.
Off to another house.
Pretty good night spending time with my favorite lizard and my favorite witch. Shaughnessy dressed up as the prettiest witch ever. She has always loved Halloween. It’s possible my children were adopted.