I’m fighting off my lowest point, revisited.

Did I ever tell you my lowest point ever? Like..the worst ever? 

I had just been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. I was sleeping ALL THE TIME. I had gained 30 pounds in two months. TWO MONTHS. And I was…predictably (cause that’s me)…eating virtually nothing and was very frustrated. My doctor told me I was totally eating everything in sight and was basically lying to everyone because there was no way I could gain that kind of weight otherwise.

I mean, he’d fixed me, right? He’d put me on thyroid meds so…ALL BETTER.

Of course, now all these years later (15 years maybe?) we now know I have Celiac disease so those meds were not being absorbed thus not working. He actually said I was eating everything and sitting on the couch all day.

I reported him.

But meanwhile, there I was struggling every day to feel attractive, to run, to fit into my clothes, and to have some sort of energy and I will admit, it was the closest to depressed I’ve probably ever been.

So here I am…20 pounds overweight…my clothes don’t fit…struggling to run, to feel attractive, to find some sort of energy and Ladies and Gentlemen…

it’s definitely straining me.

This evening’s  run was awful.

The absolute worst.

I walked every twenty feet for the first mile and a half and for the second mile and a half I still walked…not as much but it was there. I wore my too tight workout shorts and my loose shirt that I still felt conspicuous in and I was uncomfortable, unattractive and I couldn’t run.

I pretty much wanted to cry the whole time.

The ironic moment came when for the first time in the entire time I’ve lived here some guy actually stopped and said “it’s way more fun to ride, Baby”.

After coasting along next to me for a little while and seeing I was ignoring him, he kept going.

No Mom, I wasn’t afraid. I was on a very busy street and there were a lot of people out enjoying the evening. It was a nice evening.

The interesting question is was he asking because he was interested or was he asking because he thought I was dying and needed a ride.

I mean, that’s a legitimate question.

What an awful terrible horrible run.

~~~~~

On the upside…

My beautiful son MT wrote us a letter and we got it today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.  He told me happy birthday and how crazy perfect is that? He said I should do something fun for him on my birthday.

The ideal thing I should do is go to the firing range. He would think that would be awesome. But that would entail some serious work. So I think breakfast out will be fine.

I was pretty excited to see a letter. Pretty much the best gift.

~~~~~

Alex Michael is building me a new mailbox for my birthday. Our old mailbox, which I currently do not have a photo of but I’ll try and remedy that, is very tired and has been for about 19 years. How long have we lived here? 19 years.

So he decided to build me a beautiful new one.

IMG_20160611_143249762 IMG_20160611_143238307

There’s been a lot of discussion about design. Alex is very detailed.

It’s going to be cool.

~~~~~

The end of the week workouts:

4 miles Sunday
rest day Monday
unintended rest day Tuesday 
3 miles Wednesday
6 miles Thursday (we walked a bit so very conservatively let’s say 4)
unintended rest day Friday but we walked
3 miles Saturday + 25 strength workout
total= 16 miles

~~~~~

Run on…

2 Replies to “I’m fighting off my lowest point, revisited.”

  1. *hugs* I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s so, so frustrating. I wish I had some good amazing advice, but just know I sympathize. It sucks.

    1. You of all people sympathize, I know. 🙂 It was a bad day. Today is better. Thanks, Friend!

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