I was trying to find online marketing information for my business and one website proclaimed “Be Delightful Online”. My first thought was…I’m in, finally the website that understands me! My second thought was ~damn…that sounds like work.~
Perhaps…a bit of a conflict. Maybe I just need a nap and tomorrow I can be delightful again. Yes. I’ll try again tomorrow for delight.
Cely, from Running off the Reeses, wrote yesterday about how much anxiety she’s under right now due to the political pressures we’re dealing with every single day coming from so many sides. I cannot tell you how this resonates with me. My day is like a political marathon. Every morning when I wake up I start my day with The Skimm. This is my warm up. I read the condensed version of what our current administration has decided they are going to destroy in our country since yesterday (and sometimes while I slept), what the GOP’s think of it, who’s yelling about it, the smiling Paul Ryan invariably bobbing his head about it creepily, how much of the country will be damaged and what it will cost our most vulnerable in ways far more painful than just currency. Then I start clicking on the links.
The links take me to all the stories that’ll tell me the gory details so I can learn what the story really is and try to become better educated about the whole thing. There are a hundred issues I need to be concerned about and every single day I need to worry about them all. Which ones do I call my senators about? Is he even listening to me? I can tell you that mine is not. Cory Gardner of Colorado is absolutely not listening. So do I still call? Do I still let him know? It feels so completely pointless. These are the things we’re talking about in the midst of the anxiety and the powerless feelings. By the middle of the afternoon I’ve read probably twenty or thirty news stories/articles/linked essays and follow ups. I don’t feel any more educated. I feel more hopeless.
Yesterday I read this:
KING: The Democratic Party seems to have no earthly idea why it is so damn unpopular and then I got depressed because I didn’t get any tangible things to do to make changes. So we just have to sit back and watch it all go to hell?
By the end of the day I’ve finished on the computer and I’m working on the next days post and on the next days work stuff but sometimes it’s so overwhelming I have to just step away. Those are the days I’m really late to put up a post. You’re welcome.
The anxiety of what is going to happen is overwhelming. My friend’s niece asked if I get really angry and sometimes I do, yes. Usually though, anxiety and sadness overwhelm me and mostly powerless. I don’t do well with powerless. I just want to not look at it anymore. The thought of not looking at it and pretending it’s not happening seems terrifying and I face things I’m afraid of pretty head on so…back I go and I start again.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I recognize that I am one small person.
I don’t have a great voice. I am not running for office or making great change. I am not a dynamic person who will change the world. I am a normal person who just wants to help keep us from going so far down we’ll never find our way back.
I need to volunteer somewhere where I can do something that’s at least contributing to the cause so I feel like I’m doing something. This daily turnstyle is twisting me like a meat grinder.
Cely also posted a video with a song and after I clicked and listened that led me to the vortex of youtube videos and there I was and hour later still looking at videos. I think I’ve finally escaped but damn…that’s a hole I never dive into so I must be off my game.
Check these out:
- America’s First Writer’s Museum is opening in Chicago. There’s a museum I LOVE the idea of. My kid and I could do that when I go run the marathon in Chicago if THAT EVER GETS TO HAPPEN. sigh. We won’t talk about history. Moving on.
12 Things About Being A Woman That Women Won’t Tell You Now…this article is a little rough. It’s in Esquire so keep that in mind hence the language. But it’s just really a smart article.
- Shaughnessy, my kid, my first child and only daughter, wrote an essay called
A day’s story of womanhood in four parts for #adaywithoutwomen and damn, it’s really great. Oh wait. I’m not actually surprised. You should totally read it. And then you should totally tell me how amazing she is. Okay, you don’t have to. I already know.
It’s gorgeous today and it’s Friday so why wouldn’t I do something outside?? Totally going out to walk and enjoy the beautiful weather and walk to remind my legs I can. I’m so close you guys. I’m THISCLOSE to getting to run. Tomorrow Michelle and I are hiking…
Yesterday my kid (MT, the kid not the state) came back from VA for a very short visit (ten days) and I am excited to see him for at least an hour. Who are we kidding…he’s here for his girlfriend.