Sean went to work yesterday which meant…
The honeymoon I mean. He’s supposed to stay home with me allthetime!
See, I typed that BEFORE and then he came home from work and told me a little about his evening. And I started to tell him about my day and his eyes glazed over. And I said, “yeah, you’re not even listening. I’m not even going to bother talking to you about this. Whatever”. And I got up and left the room. I came downstairs, made him dinner and seriously I’m pretty sure he has no clue what freaking happened upstairs in his office. Not one word. I think he thinks I was talking, he responded, I just gracefully (because I’m so graceful) left his office to go make dinner and all was right with the world.
I went to see my friend yesterday and her mom is going through counseling for gastric bypass. The counseling lasts a year long…they’re incredibly careful about making sure you are psychologically ready to take such a drastic step and that you recognize how you came to be in such a position to begin with. After a lot of counseling and discussion one of the things they have learned is she has a family member that is “encouraging” her to lose weight and diet. She’s constantly on her about her appearance and according to the psychologist this has the opposite effect. It took me 20 seconds to find an article about it. It’s crazy. There’s a fine line between being encouraging and being demoralizing which causes the exact opposite reaction.
We want people to be healthy. Appearance CANNOT BE the primary focus in our lives. We have to move OUT of that mindset and recognize the old way of thinking was broken. It was broken. The person has to want to change, they have to do it on their own, harassing, nagging and effectively wearing them down emotionally because you don’t like how they look is not only not going to work but they’ll feel horrible and sad and bad about themselves for your agenda.
However, she went on to explain that pressure from family to lose weight can increase stress, which is a known cause of weight gain. “We all know someone who points out our weight gain or offers to help us lose weight. These results suggest that these comments are misguided.”
I don’t blame my parents for my weight gain; my choices and lifestyle have been my own, and there are a number of other emotional factors that have contributed. But nagging me to lose weight — even when it’s done with the best of intentions — hasn’t helped. I want to lose weight. I just don’t want to talk about it with them, especially when I’m not the one bringing it up. ~xojane
We learn in grade school that words hurt. Women need to support each other and remember the struggles that brought us to where we are. That we are made up of more than the weight we carry. We are more than the body image people see and judge. If how someone looks is that important perhaps we need to look internally and ask ourselves is this about them or is this about me? Their life isn’t about you and you hurt them every time you bring it up.
I have a family member who is overweight. She doesn’t mince words, she knows the situation she’s in. She recognizes her life and the work ahead of her. She’s beautiful, smart, talented pretty damn honest about the fact that her weight is her business and extremely personal. It’s her story. She knows what she needs to do and encouragement, nagging and harassing is the exact opposite of that. I don’t talk to her about her weight, her diet, her exercise or what she wears. It’s her story to live and if she wants to talk to me about it, she will.
Leave your friend or family member to do this journey on their own. If they ask for your help then you can give it.