post birthday/Christmas debriefing.

How’d you guys do? Did the celebratory events of the holiday season overwhelm you and leave you exhausted and unconscious on the couch at the end of the weekend or are you excitedly anticipating the upcoming festivities of the New Year?

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Yeah…exhausted here.

The weather turned which always makes my head implode so I drugged up and went to bed late Monday (otherwise known as Christmas) because there was so much baking, presents, eating, and laughing). I woke up in the night for a few more drugs and ended up sleeping in until…

are you ready??…
10:20 am. 

yup.

That’s like…lunch time.

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I felt like I slept in until Wednesday. I know. I was shocked, too. It’s not important except for the shock value so let’s recap the weekend, shall we?

Last week, did I mention this?, the lights went out on half my tree. My semi cheerful mood prevailed (I was determined to be positive throughout the season of insanity. My other mood is tears. I really didn’t want tears). I bought new lights and before I could put them on the tree, more lights went out.
Somewhere during that week the elastic that held my Christmas bear topper broke and he fell off the top. I tried hard to not look at that as a metaphor for my holidays.
Now the tree looked like a sad version of a candy cane.  Lights, no lights, lights, no lights, all stripe, no top. I sighed and started the process, quickly figuring out I’d have to undecorate a bit in order to do this -replace the lights- task. I’d say a half hour into it I furiously grabbed a laundry basket and took all the decorations off the tree. 

Naked tree for Christmas?

Yes, thank you. It’ll be fine. It’ll just be fine.  Things were going to get done.

At midnight on Christmas Eve I grocery shopped online and arranged it so I could pick them up that afternoon and be one less body in the store. #clicklist for the win.   I thought…

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I know…he’s gorgeous, right? I know. That smile is brilliant.

I went to Morning Prayer at 9,  theboy’s birthday party at noon, off to pick up the groceries at 3:30, back to the church to fix the computer for evening services and then home. At this point we figured out they had shorted us some bags at the store and guess what….

…the stores were all now closed.
I totally understand the need for everyone to be home with their own families on Christmas. I’ve worked enough retail that I fully support this. Except they shorted me my entire Christmas dinner and dessert supplies. Things were not looking good for the holiday. I decided not to worry and just keep powering through.

I searched on Pinterest for an alternate gluten free dessert I could come up with that used ingredients I already had and figured I’d have to make a different main dish. I could be creative and gluten free. Sure I could.
Between dessert, wrapping presents, straightening the house and cleaning bathrooms…(laundry, I obsess), and of course…”undecorating”, and of course my own lack of all things sleepy, I went to bed at 4:30 am Christmas morning.
When I woke up I looked stunning and ready to face the day! It was 8:30 and I had four hours of ROCKIN’ sleep.   I stayed in bed hoping for more that didn’t come and finally crawled out to prepare for the day. I got dressed and went to the computer….searching “stores open on Christmas”.

I’ve never been so happy to see Safeway.

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If you work at Safeway, THANK YOU. The store was packed with grateful people shopping. Some of them were just…shopping because they don’t celebrate and it was just Monday to them and some people, like me, needed a few things for dinner. There were a few people that were sick and grateful for the pharmaceuticals to ease their misery. Everyone looked happy including the employees so I hope they weren’t too miserable. In a perfect world no one would have to work on a holiday but I appreciate the store that stays open for those of us having imperfect holidays.

Dinner prepared, decorations mostly working, the house smells great (Scentsy Christmas cinnamon) and I am still awake. It’s progress!
Alex and Megan got there a little late but we did have a great time anyway. We totally missed MT, he’s out of town visiting a friend. I think, especially with theboy, we have to get things going earlier and we’ll practice that next year. We keep learning and we’ve always been kind of “we’ll work with what we’ve got” kind of people but with everyone and their schedules I think we just have to start setting a real schedule and going by it.

My gift giving skills were definitely off this year but I’m not worrying about it.  Everyone has an off year, right? I keep telling myself that. They were great with me, I got awesome gifts and I loved everything. I had so much fun I almost regret that we decided to draw names next year… 😀

The arctic showed up to Denver and I learned that my love of the number 13 does not extend to the temperature. It’s so freakin’ cold. I’ve been doing yoga. My body feels it when I do yoga and also when I don’t do it. I think part of it is the cold, part of it is the change in temperature and part of it is sleep changes. I’m very stiff and sore and I need lots of stretching in the morning. My head feels so much better after I get up and do some yoga. Morning migraines are very common if you suffer from migraines at all and learning when to medicate and when not to is pretty key.

the weekend is coming. The first. The beginning. The new year.

What are you thinking about? How are you feeling? I have a list (which I normally do not do) that I am working on with someone else because life is flying by and we have to #getitdone while we can.

Yearly Bucket List Oath via Bucket List Publications

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T-Shirt For Youga Lover. https://teespring.com/loving-yoga-tshirt-for-u

yep.

Run on…

I’m finally caught up. running again.

Not only have I not posted in days and days, I didn’t even remember I had a blog.

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I’m not sure where my brain is these days.

When my house becomes chaos my brain really just shuts down and it takes all my concentration to focus on doing the things I absolutely have to focus on,  like the job they pay me for. So I prioritize subconsciously.

The result is that deadlines are met but everything else is utter chaos. I was talking to Shaughnessy the other day about Christmas and shopping and she said, unconcerned, “it’ll come together”. And I was so envious of that laid back ability to just know that it would all come together. It helps that she has Adam to help her and I think he legitimately puts in his share with things like housework and shopping and cooking- general home and family care.

Backwards or not, I take the bulk of that at my house. We’ve been discussing that over the last few weeks because Sean and MT both live with me and there hasn’t been any space to walk in the house due to everything I’m working on.  I exaggerate slightly but not much.

There were decorations everywhere, the tree was technically up… but not decorated in the slightest. For two weeks. Just…up. The pine garland took up the bulk of the square footage that I like to call the family room and there were rubbermaids stacked on my treadmill.

Yeah. That’s how you know it’s bad.


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Upstairs I had piles of gifts to be mailed separated out into -this person- and -that person- and so on.  Mix that in with package after package arriving in the mail, some Christmas related and some not. I ordered a calendar for work (it’s still in my car, super helpful, right?) and it’s HUGE. Really tall because it’s three months worth and it’s vertical. The box it came in, though, is twice it’s size. Plus lots of wrapping you know, in case my calendar breaks.  That whole thing is an unholy mess. Boxes, stuffing, gifts piled everywhere. It’s ridiculous.

I’m doing a Giving Tree project at church and I’ve had to wrap some people’s gifts for them, which I cheerfully do. But wrapping paper, bows, tape, scissors, gift boxes. All over my desk, the table, the counter.

Christmas cards, don’t forget the Christmas cards. Had a lovely pile of those going for awhile. Finally gave up about halfway through the list. The remains of that are still stacked up along with stickers and lists and so on.

Oh, you thought surely I had to be done by now, right? Don’t forget returns because of this Giving Tree issue or that thing that didn’t work out. SO many gifts in my return pile.

I have a pretty small house, People. You can imagine the chaos. And in the midst of it I fell to tears twice (maybe three times but who’s counting) and this usually happens about midnight or one in the morning when I’m just so exhausted I can’t keep going but there is so much to do. It’s at this point my husband will say, “how can I help?” And I’ll tell him…please help me finish the x or y. I have to complete something because my brain isn’t working like this.

We go to bed, we get up, he goes to work and it all starts again because he forgot. And all I can think of is how can you forget??  But he does because he thinks different than I do and his brain doesn’t shut down when things are all over the house. I own that and I wouldn’t want to put that on him.  So I work to decide what is important and what can realistically be let go.

Like the Christmas cards, I am choosing what I’m willing to do.

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The tree is done but it’s not the best most beautiful tree you’ve ever seen in the world. It’s pretty enough and sometime this week I’ll fix the teddy bear topper because he fell off somewhere behind the tree and I would bet money his little elastic holder-onner-thing is broken.

The decorations are definitely not my best effort. Most have been put back in the bins and the bins put away until January. At this late date I just can’t justify the time. There is evergreen and lights and that’s all we need.

The Christmas card list was split with people who must have one and people I’ve sent one to in the past. The must haves got a card.

Out of the eight packages I have to mail, I put four together last night and asked Sean to mail them. He said he’d do it this morning. I’m finding alternate ideas for two of them and two packages will be late.

It’s more important to spend time with my husband, I haven’t seen him in so long, and of course,  MT. He is leaving tomorrow and won’t be here for Christmas. Perfect decorations are not important.

I went to bed at 2am again. But this time I had those pkgs done, things were cleaned up and I had found order to my house. I cannot tell you how much better I feel.

I went to work an hour and a half early today so I could meet someone and spent a long 9 hour day getting all the Christmas work done…or most of it. Four bulletins…one day. It’s a record for me. So much printing.

All of this prep was so I could take tomorrow off to go hiking with Michelle and she can’t go. But I’m going anyway because it’s a day off. It’s getting cold here (20* on Saturday, rumor has it) so I’m hiking while I can.

Yes, I have shopping to do.

Yes, I have wrapping to do.

Yes, I have work to do in my office.

But I am taking the day off.  I’ve been so busy I haven’t run in a week. I miss it, I crave it and I’m taking every advantage I have to run now that I’m ahead.

I’d like to be that person that puts myself first so I can take care of everyone else better but my OCD doesn’t know how to do that.

~~~~~

Let’s have an honest conversation about Botox.

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I know, you’re all thinking -we are talked to DEATH about Botox.

But no. There’s more.

When you get Botox in your forehead it controls the muscles in your eyelids. It can give you droopy eyes. This is temporary with the Botox shots, it’ll wear off as your shots wear off but if you keep getting them it can continue and get worse.

It’s not fun.

I’ve developed this little treat.

My eyes are very heavy and it feels like I have to hold them open. If you look at photos of me, my eyes are tiny little slits. It’s really attractive-bringing sexy back-.

There are two options for treating this. One is eye drops that strengthen your eye muscles encouraging your eyes to be stronger and more open. The other is no Botox shots.

Pretty encouraging news, right?

So my doctor called me back and said we would totally rethink my treatment and he would have to stop giving me the shots near my eyebrows. He sounded bummed. Well the shots in my eyebrows keep me from flirting at strangers so who knows what we’ll do now but at least he has an idea of what we’re doing. He also reassured me it would wear off.

Three months can’t pass fast enough. My eyes are tired. And I look weird.
Still worth it? Sure. Yep. Few migraines, lower pain level? Of course.
~~~~~

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un on…

when you least expect it…

Nearly twenty years ago I had what I fondly describe  as a near death experience.

Now it’s possible I’m being dramatic but in my lifetime I’ve had surgery twice, given birth three times (once in a foreign country and no one spoke the same language) and of course I have Celiac disease and some of those days are very very rough. The flu I had that day, though, was the sickest i’ve ever been in my life. Sean was in Australia and I had to rely on Shaughnessy far more than I should have to help with MT. Alex was being Alex and it was an awful day. I ended up going to the urgent care because I was completely unable to hold anything down and I was crawling everywhere. It was the worst.

My best friend Andrea came down with it the next day and to this day we recognize that as the terrible horrible flu of 2000. She was a grown woman with four kids and when her mom popped in to visit she opened the door with tears and said, “Mommy!”. Seriously, the worst.

Sunday after church I got a few quick things done and then ran home to tell MT we’d go do the incline with theboy. I had a wicked headache though so “let me lie down for about 15 minutes and see if I can make it feel better” was my comment before becoming completely incapacitated.

Like the Facebook friend request from that relative you really hoped would forget you existed, this flu showed up with no warning, completely uninvited and left me wondering what the hell to do now. I was down within an hour. Imagine a flu symptom and I had it.

When I got it I thought…huh…I can do this. I mean scale wise this flu was totally amateur. I was not holding anything down or in. I had body aches and fever and my head was the worst but it’s like the normal flu and not like the flu on steroids. This I could do.

My neurologist told me I would probably always have migraines because my brain was trained to have them after all these years.I mean, it’s been 45 years. that’s a long time.My brain thinks it’s a normal reaction to any ripple in the universe that feels even slightly different.  The flu is a ripple. My head was bad.

Andrea and I were supposed to meet Hilary Clinton yesterday. You don’t have to say it. I was bummed.  She had a book signing at the Tattered Cover in Denver. I bought the tickets MONTHS ago.  I was kind of bummed I’d have to stand in line for several hours but totally willing to do it for the experience and also to spend time with Andrea who I haven’t seen since August.

AUGUST

I KNOW

Andrea gave the tickets to her daughter, Tori. Hopefully her and her friend made it by the cut off time.

Life Interrupted.

I spent the whole day trying to type this up. Every time I tried to type the screen was just too bright and it hurt to look at it so I would close the iPad and go back to sleep. Because my iPad is all I can muster you don’t get any entertainment today. Just me.

Gifless.

Eventually it was  2:30 in the morning and I was wide awake because the dog got sick (did I give the dog the flu?) and I had to get up and at least pretend to clean it up until morning.

Back to bed to stare at the ceiling because I was SO AWAKE.  I finally gave up and turned the television on to find the immortal words “no network connection”.
I swear to you some day I’m going to shoot the television or the computer for telling me that.

I was simultaneously on my ipad getting the same message so I typed in what I knew to be the password and…

rejected.

Time and again.

My life in wi if.

It’s 2:30 in the morning  holy Mother did my head hurt.

When I picked up my keyboard and iPad from next to the bed it flipped out of my hand and landed hard on the floor. I grabbed it and it looked fine but upon typing in the dark I find the “p” is missing from the keyboard and it’s hard to type without a “p”.

This was the story of my life at 2:00 am. I wish I was sleeping.

I kind of understand what the Apple people went through without the “I” on their phones working.

Today I am at 80%. I’m super tired. Not hungry at ALL and my head is better. So all in all much better. I’m going with it.

I’m leaving this here and I promise you tomorrow I will actually post a real post.

I have hiking information and EVERYTHING.

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Run on and remember to take care of yourself.

I am an imperfect person

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? I remember one of the nurses on that show saying, “I am an imperfect person”.

These last two weeks at work I have demonstrated that many times over. I hope they still let me come back because I really like this job. I’ve been told over and over again “that was my favorite job” by people that held this position or similar in the past and in my short time here I can see why already.

My first staff meeting started with a minute of quiet time and then a prayer. It was glorious. What staff meeting do you know starts with that? The office work is just office work, though I’m much better with Excel than Microsoft Publisher (getting better now, thankyouverymuch), and I can count money better than I can create well…pretty much anything in Publisher but hey like I say, figuring it out.
I organize in my sleep and working on that kind of stuff makes me quite happy.  I’m supposed to work 20 hours a week. I find myself putting in 40 hours pretty easily.  Staff come and go throughout the  day and people wander in looking for food, clothes,  and money for medicine.  For prayers when they’re sick in the hospital and phone calls looking for support groups. Sometimes they ask for a priest and sometimes they just talk to me. One person called for a priest but called back four times and said talking to me was really helpful.  Being in the hospital alone must be the loneliest time and talking seemed to help. It doesn’t bother me at all and I was able to work while talking. In the afternoon most people leave for the day and I get the building to myself to work in the quiet and the dark and it’s so peaceful and lovely I can’t tell you how perfect it is.
This is not a bad problem to have when you get to help people in need. Seriously. This is a really lovely job. And sometime soon I’ll figure out all the little nuances and I’ll be much better at it. Now if only I could learn Spanish. #lifegoals #helpmerosettastone 

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~~~~~
I’m doing much better today after yesterday’s Botox. I did have some residuals today. I have some bruising on my forehead and the back of my head I can feel. I tend to get that every time but it can flare a migraine up. I just took some Excedrin and then later a Cambia and I feel much better.

~~~~~

I’ve opened five packages of Trick or Treat Dots and they’re all green and yellow. What the hell..Dots?  Five packages and they all have ONE red Dot in them. That is totally wrong. I don’t want the green or yellow or orange. I don’t want them Sam I am.

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~~~~~
I think between the stress of the last two weeks and the migraine of the last week I’ve lost 10 pounds but because I’m me I’m pretty sure…

I’ve gained five.

I’m not going to weigh myself to find out.
Who does THAT?

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My imagination will do juust fine thankyou.

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Sean is gone for the majority of the weekend so I get to do whatever I want and that includes not eating if I don’t want to. Or scrambled eggs if I want to. Or whatever.

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Tonight I really want to put on my sweats and eat ice cream. BUT…I’m going to walk my dog and go for a run. Because I haven’t run in forever. I miss it.

I was thinking about it during the great migraine and I thought how much I don’t care about intervals and hill training and so on and if I could just go for a quick run to satisfy my running cravings I’d be so happy.

I’m a simple girl. I’d take a little run around the park if that’s all I could do. Or two or three. I could do two or three runs around the park. The route we take is two miles around the park. That’s the perfect run if you do it two or three times! Just enough to satisfy!
It’s a quickie!

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~~~~~

I was telling my mom that the person who knows all the goings on at the church and how to do everything is leaving. That’s not stressful at all. I won’t have the slightest idea what I’m doing. She had mentioned Advent and I got this blank look on my face.

My mom said, “you know what Advent is. It’s the beginning of the church year calendar. I learned that in confirmation class”.

Huh. Well I took a super accelerated confirmation class because they wanted us to be confirmed by the bishop and he was coming soon so it was ~learn it all fast~. Since I’m ADHD anyway it was more along the lines of… This is confirmation class and here is where you’ll learn the…
huh…I love the library in the church. It’s so relaxing in here and the fireplace and look at all the books. I’d LOVE to get at all those books. I wonder if we can check those out? ~mind wanders to the 14 things I have to do for the kids that day and the next aaand…we’re out for the next session~
92% sure my lamaze was the same way. I went through it with my poor mom who  probably really wanted to concentrate and have a solid bonding experience with me and instead she got crazy brain me. We did okay but it was not my favorite. I try to excuse myself because I was legitimately the only 20 year old in the lamaze class. It was embarrassing. I took lamaze when I was pregnant with Shaughnessy.
Isn’t Shaughnessy just FABULOUS? I love her. She’s so smart and …smart…and beautiful, too and whatever I love her.

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It’s weird the things I have retained versus the things I haven’t. I have a freakish memory for the churches schedule, even the parts I’m not involved in but the Episcopal church as a whole…I draw a blank. Maybe I’ll study up this weekend. Ha.

~~~~~
I thought I’d register for the one race for sure, the Revel half in Evergreen, but Miss Andrea has bad knees and says no way. So she wants to do something else. She’s also VERY SLOW about choosing her races.

I have no patience. I’m like every other runner out there and will choose in the middle of the night when I see someone else ran one, then I google then I get excited and I register.  It’s a problem.

We as runners have an affliction.

I’m going to be honest and say I’ve been a little scared. Not a lot because running has never scared me before so I’d say I’m a…4…maybe a 5. I haven’t run a race in so long (thank you stupid illness/surgery that took over my life) that I’m nervous and it’s holding me back. I’ve run up to five miles and then I get stuck and that’s as far as I’ve gone.  I’ve been hiking more than running and I have to push through it but still, it’s all in my head. I can  feel that because my runs all feel great. I feel really strong. It was just such a hard year last year and into this year I needed to mentally heal as much as physically and learn to trust that I can actually do it.

So out the door I go again. I’ve never been a fan of 5k’s but I might think about 10k’s.

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Michelle likes 5k’s and doesn’t like longer runs. How did we become friends?

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Run on…

Let’s talk Botox

On the heels of such a terrible migraine and the Botox follow up I thought I would talk about what Botox is all about. Two years ago in February I got my first injections and I’ve had them every three months since.

They have always worked well for me, however, as time has passed the shots work better and better. I take two different medications for my migraines because Botox doesn’t make them all go away.  I continue to get some occasionally and one of those medications I would routinely fill every six weeks. I filled it six weeks ago and I’ve barely touched it. I have a full bottle.

Here is a photo of my neurologist who has nearly perfect reviews. His name is Dr. Ravi Shah.
Image result for dr ravi shah imagesI know. It’s a terrible quality picture. He doesn’t have a professional photo, how weird is that? I think this was cut out of a office snapshot or something. Anyway…here he is. He’s very GQ. Funny, so is my Celiac specialist. Suppose that has anything to do with the amount of money I’m paying for their services?
He is as good as the reviews say. He’s nice, he listens, he’s friendly, he always tries to fix whatever the problem is, and he goes out of his way to make sure I have meds…even if they’re samples until he can get me hooked up with what works. I have no problem getting an appointment and when I do have a problem he fits me in to fix it (I’m expressive, occasionally the Botox would freeze my eyebrow in “hey Baby, how you doin’? mode).
His specialties are neurology and psychology.
Yeah..I know. I’m screwed. Pretty sure he’s got me figured out.
A little of my history. I’ve been getting migraines as long as I can remember. I remember having headaches when I was very little and my mom was always trying different things to figure out how to help me. I finally figured they were migraines when I was 18 and was in the emergency room. They told me my “headache” was a migraine. Once that diagnosis was made my life got easier…if you could say that. Right?

Things to know about Botox

  • Botox does not help if you get episodic migraines or fewer than 15 migraines a month.
  • If you’re going to try it, settle in to give it two or three tries. Mine worked well the first time but each time it got better and continues to improve.
  • the cost is high. My insurance covers some of the cost so I am left with the cost of the actual vials which right now are about $600+ per vial. My doctor uses two vials on me. I also pay for my doctors visit which is $227 a visit. If my deductible is paid up then hey…this is no problem. If it’s nowhere near paid up then this comes out of either…
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    A: my health fund or:
    B: my own sad little pocket
    As you can imagine, my choice to do this was discussed with my husband at length and we processed  the cost/how well does it do it’s job- factor at length and continue to review it every few visits.
  • Botox (the brand name…) offers a Botox credit card that credits you BACK if you do the work. The work being paperwork. After I got my first treatment they gave me the paperwork. I signed up on the Botox website and filled out the information including uploading the last Botox treatment information. They sent me a credit card loaded with $240 on it that was “refunded”. I can use it on anything medical related. So the next treatment I can use it on the Botox or I can use it on the office visit or I can use it on another doctor’s visit. It just has to be medically related. I think right now I have nearly $500 on it. There is an expiration date of six months I think. They may have changed that with the new update.
  • I see him every twelve weeks and as the time winds down my head reminds me it’s happening. As it wears of, I get more migraines. That twelve week cycle is very tight for me.
  • I am still on Topiramate (generic forTopamax) as preventative medication and I also have Fiorinal and Cambia to actually treat any migraine I do get. He’s tried taking me off Topiramate and my migraines increase significantly enough that he’s leaving me on them for now. He did decrease the dosage (after the eye twitching episode a few months ago) but otherwise everything stays the same. I take 150mg a day. 50mg in the middle of the day and 100mg at night.My excuse for being brain dead is called Topamax. What's yours? BY: Gina Fabrizio
  • The Botox for migraines is diluted before it’s injected. It’s injected in approximately 31 locations across the head and neck.Image result for Botox migraine injection graphicIn the photo on the left, my injections are way at the top near my hairline, not down so far.  Because I’m pretty expressive, he dots two tiny little injections in the far edges of each eyebrow to keep me from flirting with people I don’t want to flirt with.The photo in the middle is pretty accurate though one of those injections is square in my temple, a prime spot for migraine pain.The third photo is also fairly accurate though the two injections at the bottom of the neck are much lower.
  • Does it hurt? yes. It hurts me for sure. Here is my experience- the shots are short…like two seconds. Short bursts. They aren’t deep, they are just under the surface. But they burn and on my right side-oh my gosh. Like it’s startling sometimes and then I’ll just burst into tears.  Because my migraines are 100% on the right side of my body, Dr Shah told me I would feel more pain on my right side for probably everything. That side would just be more sensitive. Well he isn’t kidding. I had noticed that before he told me and it couldn’t be clearer than when I’m getting these shots. They weren’t too bad the first time I got them but as time goes on they are more painful. I’m sure Dr. Shah loves to have me show up. I’ve passed out twice and I’ve nearly thrown up twice. I am a good time. For the record, I’m his only patient to do this. Also, he has offered me a scrip for Valium if that would help relax me before the shots but I have to drive after so I just deal with it. He has other patients who take it, I just choose not to. On a scale of one to ten, the left side hurts like a..4 maybe? The right side, depending on the situation, feels like a freakin’ 7 or an 8. Two seconds of a burning 8. Then he massages that spot to make sure the Botox disperses. The whole thing takes maybe ten minutes on a good day, twenty minutes if I have to stop.
    Getting Botox on the same day you have a migraine is not a good idea. It might be best to reschedule as the pain is a lot to deal with.  Totally.
  • Side Effects: The nitty gritty.
     1. Headache I always thought this one was random. How would I know?  #alreadythere
    2 . Facial loss of movement– I don’t think so. The first time I got shots my eyebrows ventured out on their own and that’s when I went back and he fixed them. I didn’t look too weird, just always intrigued…LOL. But right now I’m scrunching up my forehead just fine.
    3. Eyelid drooping – yep. my eyelids do seem to be a little droopier after 2.5 years. I’m also older. Good makeup? Lots of smiling… I can’t imagine getting it in other spots. Mine are so high on my hairline. Who knows what it would do to your face. 🙁
     4. Lung inflammation– nope…but I’ve heard about it and it doesn’t sound fun.
    5. Neck pain– neck pain being the most common complaint. 9% of the Botox test group complained of neck pain. I have never had this. 
    6. Muscle stiffness and weakness– how would I know? #thankyouceliac
    7. Muscle pain and spasms – how would I know? #thankyouceliac
     8. Pain at injection site – I have this for a few days after my shots and only in a few places. Sometimes I have small bruises in some of my injection sites but again, only a few.
     9. High blood pressure migraines are the only thing that raise my blood pressure. I still have low blood pressure.
    source:
  • Who to see about Botox: I was sent to a neurologist in my care circle. I still researched him. This was not something I wanted to take a chance on. I wanted to make sure he was a neurologist with years of experience treating migraines. Not everybody can do this. Just because somebody does Botox doesn’t mean they can work with migraines. It’s a delicate specialty. Your corner Botox cosmetic  aesthetician is not who you go to, even though it would probably be cheaper. And your general medical doctor is also not who you go to. You need a specialist and you want to make sure he has credentials. Do your research. 
  • Botox is totally worth it for me. I will continue with it as long as I have these great results.
    Great sources for Botox
    Botox
    Migraineagain.com
    Migraine.com

~~~~

My life, SLE, Sjogrens, endometriosis, fibromialgia, chronic migraines
Run on…

too many grocery stores.

The beginning of the week at work is crunch time. So I stayed late to try and get stuff done but my head is at maximum pain level right now (Botox on Wednesday) so I left and went to get groceries.
The refrigerator is glowing with it’s emptiness.

So I stopped at the commissary, the military grocery store we have access to due to Sean’s 20 year service in the Air Force.
I love our military benefits and am immensely grateful for them. Sean was 10 years active duty and 10 years reserve duty so we only have partial benefits but they are still a lot of benefits and we use them.  The commissary, though, is not my favorite.  I always end up leaving with a long list I couldn’t get because they’re out. It’s beyond frustrating because who has time to run to different stores? This is the time that people are ordering and having groceries delivered and I’m running to multiple stores. It’s quite ridiculous. They carry 10 different kinds of beans but they’re out of 8 kinds. they carry 4 different kinds of frozen potatoes we can eat but they’re out of 3 versions.  By the time I leave all the options I’ve come up with for dinner are out and my head is done. I buy Sean a pizza and decide to go to the other store tomorrow.

Every time I feel guilty for not utilizing enough of my military benefits that are so good for us I’m going to remember this because what it saves me in money it loses me in time.

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~~~~~
My request for video help yesterday came through in droves and now I have people lining up to help me!

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Yeah…that didn’t happen.

It was a longshot. So hopefully today or tomorrow I can start the studying and figure out if I have any idea what I’m doing. My favorite child (MT, remember? He reminds me every time he talks to me that he’s my favorite) has mentioned he might know someone and if he really does he might actually be my favorite.
It’s a revolving door.
I told theboy that his mom was my favorite and he burst into tears. He’s used to being the favorite. Gonna be a sad day when anyone else has a baby. I’ve definitely set myself up there, haven’t I?

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~~~~~
I’m thinking I’m going to do the Revel Half marathon in Evergreen Colorado. It’s June 2nd. Andrea was looking for a race then and I steered her to this one and it’s one we’ve been looking at for a long time. Shaughnessy ran it a few years ago and loved it. I missed running races so much that I’d like to say I’m aiming for that. I always struggle with goal races out loud because I get injured, I have a family emergency, I have to have surgery, really there’s a number of things that happen but I figure what the hell. I can at least think about it and in my head keep it there. It’s popular so I’m going to keep a close eye on it. Kat and Kristen want to do a race, too so we are looking at one we can destination to so I may do that. Too many options. We were looking at one in California but I don’t know if we still are…I’ll be honest…that one looks amazing but it requires camping. hahahhaha. I’m going to have to think about that one. CAMPING.
Before a race. Hmm
Thoughts? Has anyone else done this before?
It might not be so bad. I’d have to travel with my camping gear.  That sounds like a good time.

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~~~~~
The commissary has very limited specialty ice cream. I noticed they had my soy ice cream but only chocolate flavors. So I grabbed this:

This is a big fat nope. 
Just…no.
Anyone ever had ice milk?
That’s what it tasted like. Flavored ice milk. I took two bites and it was …hard to take the second bite. So bad. And if anyone is asking, I didn’t buy it for the big fat “35 calories” on the front. They just don’t offer a whole lot there that’s gluten free, especially in a small container. So I tried it. And salted caramel is a decent flavor. But…again…
nope. I do not recommend this.
But I really REALLY wanted ice cream tonight. When my head is this bad I really want comfort food. Easy comfort food so I tried.
I ended up having scrambled eggs and sausage.
Breakfast food is pretty good!
Not as easy as opening a container but still pretty good.
Not as pretty as those fancy blogs that post their food all the time and they look like …well whatever. They look delicious and fabulous.
But damn I love scrambled eggs.
~~~~~
#myworkoutwas
Dude. I went to bed. My head was bad.
I may just stick with yoga again today just to relax and breathe in preparation for Wednesday. It’s really hard to get Botox with a migraine already.

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Run on…

Are you an empath? And what is one? Do I want to be one? Do I have a choice…

So I’ve been interested in the word empath.- Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods. Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions. -source

I’ve heard it being passed around rather liberally lately and it seems everyone and their neighbor, best friend and cat is an empath (by the way, if your cat is an empath I am highly interested in meeting him or her. Most cats just have one mood and we all know what that is..).

When I hear it I’m taken to Charmed with Piper, Phoebe and Paige, the supernatural empath. I know it’s not the same thing but that’s where my head goes.  I get it. It’s not The Handmaid’s Tale. But we all have a vice and mine was Charmed. Piper got to blow things up. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want that power.  Think of the anger issues that would be abused with that power.

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don’t you judge me one bit…you guys have your television, I have mine.

There was a search plethora of empath results and I didn’t really know where to begin. Most of them were “30 ways to tell if you’re an empath” or “20 ways to tell…” or lengthy little lists like that.
But I grabbed onto Psychology Today for something and found this:
10 Traits Empathic People Share 

1. Empaths are highly sensative-Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners.
2. Empaths absorb other people’s emotions– Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad
3. Many empaths are introverted. -Empaths become overwhelmed in crowds, which can amplify their empathy. They tend to be introverted and prefer one-to-one contact or small groups. Even if an empath is more extroverted they may prefer to limit how much time they spend in a crowd or at a party.
4. Empaths are highly intuitive– Empaths experience the world through their intuition. It is important for them to develop their intuition and listen to their gut feelings about people.
5. Empaths need alone time– As super-responders, empaths find being around people can be draining, so they periodically need time alone to recharge.
6. Empaths can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships– Too much togetherness can be difficult for an empath so they may avoid intimate relationships.
7. Empaths are targets for energy vampires– An empath’s sensitivity makes them particularly easy marks for energy vampires, whose fear or rage can sap their energy and peace of mind.
8. An empath becomes replenished in nature– The busyness of everyday life can be too much for an empath.
9. Empath’s have highly tuned senses- An empath’s nerves can get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talking.
10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much– Empaths are big-hearted people and try to relieve the pain of others: a homeless person holding a cardboard “I’m hungry” sign at a busy intersection, a hurt child, a distraught friend.

So I hit 9 out of 10 solid. Number 6 was a no but the rest…dead on. Some of them so accurate I wanted to shout out “yes!”.
So I switched to The Mind Unleashed and went through that list of 30…I know. It’s not Psychology Today but bear with me. It was crazy.

I’m 25 out of 30.

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So…that was interesting. I mean it was a hard 25. No wavering there. I’m going to assume that I’m at the very least highly sensitive and this explains why I can’t read an article to my husband without crying, why I have no interest in watching the truly violent shows (and if I do, I close my eyes at the worst parts…or I leave the room).
I felt a little less crazy, reading that list.

~~~~~

I start a new job this week. It’s part time but I’m my church’s new office admin and I’ll be re-organizing it. I am now officially REALLY busy.
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I like using my brain though so it’ll be good.
I’ve been working with them for about two months so it’s not really new,  just show up at the church and actually be a presence now. There are definitely new duties attached to that.
I do like organizing. Did I mention that? Finding order where there wasn’t.

~~~~~

I’ve felt slightly under the weather all week long. One thing after another just not cooperating. We had crazy weather the other day with 26mph wind gusts. The result was an overall aching and a migraine today. But I drugged up and went straight to sleep.
When I woke up…it was gone.
SHUT UP..I KNOW. I couldn’t believe it either. That NEVER happens.
It was a good day.
I realize it’s odd to hear me say migraine day was a good day but…it was a good day.
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~~~~~
I have a doctor appointment today…a regular Celiac/thyroid checkup. We’ll see if I’m broken or whatever. Grocery shopping. Computer work. It’s going to be a gorgeous week of 70’s so …fall weather, golden leaves and 70*…
this week could not be more perfect.


~~~~
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yes please. 

Run on…

It’s Friday the 13th and that never gets old.

Some guy called me this morning and asked if he could come over and shower in my house.
I didn’t recognize the number but he sounded nice so I figured…why not?
Turns out I do know the guy.
MT’s friend is in the Army Reserves and he had a PT test this morning before work and his timing was off so he finished on the base and then had to go straight to work. We live very close to the base. So he asked if he could use the shower and then off he went to work.
Military people shower very quickly.
And they are very clean. He folded his wet towel.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t weird. He’s a super nice kid. Once I figured out who he was.  It’s not everyday some stranger calls you and asks that question.
I immediately put his number in my phone. In my defense, I always talk to him on Facebook.
It’s proving to be a fun day already!
~~~~~
I woke up this morning and thought…yeah I should TOTALLY do something cool with my husband today. 

Then I remembered I have theboy coming over!
That’s pretty cool, too.
Last night I went to bed with a serious headache (because I jinxed myself with yesterday’s arrogant little post) and my ankles were quite swollen (what the hell was THAT about? Oh yeah…probably a week of eating cupcakes)  and everything hurt.
Today I woke up with a serious headache, my ankles are normal size (yay!) and I woke up multiple times in the night to crazy leg cramps which we all know is magnesium. But hello..I take magnesium supplements so come on Celiac…allow something to stick please because that hurts BAD.

Well that’s quite a picture, isn’t it?

~~~

As I said,  I spoke too soon. I had a crazy migraine-in-the-making all day yesterday. Nothing serious…it’s just thinking about it. I’m taking good care to not let it get out of hand because I just don’t have time for that.
Pfft….no.
I just don’t WANT it.

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Unfortunately don’t they show up whether you want them to or not? I mean, how do you say no?

~~~~~

Whenever I spend time with my family they always have a million questions about Celiac. And I should have all the answers but sometimes I don’t if you can believe it. Don’t tell my kids.   But I do have Google. And if I don’t have Google I have my sister, Catherine who goes by the nickname…Gacopedia because she is a wealth of useless information.

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This last weekend someone asked if the super high restaurant grill would burn off the gluten thus rendering the grill capable and safe of cooking for me.
I’ll be honest, I immediately thought…nope. And if I had to put money on it (I usually say I’d bet my husband’s paycheck and he usually says to stop betting his paychecks…hahaha)…
I think I hesitated when I answered and said I didn’t think so. I’d have to research it.But I figured …no. I mean…that’s pretty sketch.
Well they were more convinced than I was but I wasn’t willing to risk it. It’s my gut.
Gacopedia came right home and researched that sucker and came up with this article:
Gluten Deteriorates in High Temps????

I skimmed it quick and then asked her…um…if I read it right it says
it sounds like it would but only if left to burn it clean at that high temperature for a ridiculous length of time? Did I skim that super quick accurately enough?
Which basically says to me…NOPE.
But apparently I did not. Full disclosure I seriously SERIOUSLY skimmed it. I really read like two and a half sentences because my mind was not on reading science. I was doing two things at once and I did not want to stop what I was doing to do something else.  I am selfish. I mean I should have but I just didn’t want to right then. So I did the skim. No patience.
She came back and said this:
He basically says that gluten has the strength of ten men and in order to kill it you need to incinerate it to a molecular level. At which point it becomes carcinogenic. So if you are celiac you must simply run screaming away from it.

Well okay then…I’m totally on board with that. Avoid.

One can always count on Catherine to condense things appropriately. Points on finding that article!

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~~~~~

I was going through the grocery store line and clearly buying a significant amount of gluten-free items. I don’t usually pick up this much stuff but I noticed they had new mixes from my favorite place so I grabbed some scone mixes, cake mixes and such. As the check out lady was scanning them through she said, “can I ask you something? How did you know you needed to go gluten free?”
So I told her I had a blood test and an endoscopy that told me I was Celiac. She said her husband gets a rash and the doctors told them he needed a test but he needed to eat copious amounts of gluten. She sounded intimidated.

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She said they never pursued it. It was a few years ago but he still has the rash.
I reassured her it’s simple…just eat normally and it’ll come up on the test. Eat a pizza. Have a sandwich. Don’t stress.
It’s a blood test and it’s not that expensive.
We talked for a few minutes and I sent her to Gluten Dude and his infographic of symptoms. She thanked me as I left and I thought…I need a business card. Every day I answer questions about Celiac. Every day.
I hope she remembers what I told her. She was really nice.

 

~~~~~

I’m feeling pretty normal beyond a little head pain so I’m hoping to have a regular day. Walk the dog, errands, hang with theboy RUN (my head better cooperate)

Yesterday I got a TON of errands done…don’t you love those days? #feelinproductive

#myworkoutwas
I got my steps in
twenty push ups

I know, it wasn’t much but damn it was a rough day.

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I have high hopes for today. Don’t mess with Friday the 13th.

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Run on…

the quick and dirty.

Quick and dirty update on me  and then we’re moving on.
This has been the best round of Botox yet. They said it would continue to improve as time went on and they weren’t kidding. I had one seriously bad migraine and that was it. Otherwise I’ve mostly managed with Excedrin and barely needed it. My skin is a little tender today. That tells me I’m thinking about getting a migraine but I’m managing it so there you go.

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I have not been eating well all weekend and it shows in the fact that I’ve been sick.  I lost my dinner on Friday and every day since. Today I am determined to make it through the day. Eating clean is really important to maintaining my carefully balanced stomach.  My morning today was hot water and lemon (thank you Lord for good things like this!) I’m usually incredibly careful but it was wedding weekend and we were traveling and chaos ensued. And let’s face it, we can have a routine all we want but sometimes we go off the rails. It happens.

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When you talk to someone about something that is on your mind and they come completely unglued about your obsessive behavior and proceed to tell you how nuts you are. Because hey…I didn’t already know that based on the constant movie reel in my head.

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She’s probably wishing she had right about now. ::eyeroll::

I have finally finished putting away the weekend wedding stuff.  Okay, mostly. How nuts is that? There was so.much.stuff. Rehearsal dinner stuff. Food and pans and snacks. Clothes for the weekend and clothes for the wedding. Jewelry and shoes, make up and flowers. So many flowers. I’ve never been happier for the trash guy to get here. If I see another formal gown I might scream. I might just take them to the consignment store.  I need my house back. So much stuff.

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In a classic case of ~can you believe today’s news~ I don’t know if I should be more horrified by the wildfires in California or the years of disgusting abuse by Harvey Weinstein. And Donna Karan…hello??  What the hell? She had to apologize of course. There was no coming back from that.

Here’s a link to helping out for the fires. The losses are so devastating.

Eminem at the HipHop awards. He does not mess around.

Anyone heard anything on Puerto Rico????

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I didn’t do anything yesterday for exercise. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.  Zero. And I felt it. So today I’m going to run because I think I need some quiet time to zen out.
Winter is so close (we’ve already had snow!) so I am going to try and enjoy some fall leaf running while I can.

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Run on…

Anyone remember Honey Buns? Talk about food and the mind does wander…

  • I went with my mom to San Francisco years ago when I was  a young teenager. We got Honey Buns at the grocery store on the corner and thought we’d died and gone to heaven. I could have eaten the whole box. I can’t see a Honey Bun in the store now without thinking of that time with my mom, hangin’ in San Francisco at my grandparents house just eatin’ Honey Buns. #memories #mommemories
  • I’m going to skip right over where I’ve been this busy weekend and say I’ve slowed down from going 159 mph to going probably 90 or so which to me is better. The weather gave me a killer migraine Saturday but on the bright side…THE WEATHER! I think it was building for a few days. It happens and I recovered.
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    it’s just around the corner, Baby, I can feel it. 
    It was 50* this morning. So beautiful. 
  • The Cincinnati Enquirer did an amazing spread on the current epidemic of heroin use that has taken over the country. It’s called Seven days of Heroin. I highly recommend this  impressive piece of reporting. Calling it “in depth” would be an understatement.

    The Enquirer sent more than 60 reporters, photographers and videographers into their communities to chronicle an ordinary week in this extraordinary time~source

  • Honey Bunchies Gourmet Honey Bar  are my newest delicious snack find. Has anyone ever had a Salted Nut Roll?  I don’t know what they did but these Honey Bunchies seriously taste just like  a Salted Nut Roll. They are so amazing I could eat ten of them. Okay, I’ll be honest, I really couldn’t. Truth be told I ate the whole thing but I should have parceled it out and eaten just half at a time. They have 8 all natural ingredients, 230 calories  a bar, gluten free, soy free, grain free and It’s like a giant caramel roll. Serious delicious. I loved it immediately. I paid $1.99 at Safeway.
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  • Who is the Enemy Here?
    A beautiful and haunting article of photographs Time magazine has gathered from various photographers who covered the Vietnam war and the photographs that moved them most. They are really quite moving. My best suggestion is to actually read about the photograph and not just skim the pictures. The photos are obviously stand alone worthy but the personal stories attached bring a light to them we haven’t seen before.
  • “mini cupcakes? As in the  mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of CAKE? Honestly, where does it end with you people??” ~Kevin from The Office making a really really great point. We feel your pain, Kevin.
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  • The Vietnam War– A film by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick  on PBS
    You just have to watch it. You should be able to stream it online.
  • These 2 London museums viciously battled for supremacy on Twitter
    Twitter user asks a question…who reigns supreme? And the battle begins. It’s pretty great.
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  • I did HIIT over the weekend and as much as I love it my legs surely do feel it. The day feels so good (high of 82* so I’ll take it) but I’m going to go down to the incline this evening I think so I can climb and run at the same time. I’m definitely feeling a little off from several weeks of being too busy to incline.
    I did walk the dog, though, and he’s pretty happy now and sleepin’ away. Must be rough.
  • We lost our internet for a ridiculous amount of time so I’m hotspotting it now so I can finish this. Then I’m going to run my errands and make progress on life and if it’s not back by tonight we’ll have to burn the house down. Or go to a motel or something. Yes, I could read a book but Netflix. 
    Who knew I could make progress on life so easily?
    I’m thisclose People. Thisclose.
  • There’s a lot of information in this post. It was a reading/watching weekend while I worked. Good stuff though.
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    Keep working hard…
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    Run on…