No porn. I swear.

I owed everyone three posts this week, I had it in my head and by God I’m getting it done.

I should change the name of this blog to something having to do with the church because I talk about the church a lot now but oh man that is some good material. We were figuring out our stewardship campaign the other day and our priest (who is hilarious and really nice but only an interim priest while we are in the hiring process) asked if we could just send out a little card with “pay up” on it.

I think…no? But damn that would be good. I think a humorous stewardship campaign would totally make me pay more.

Better living through humor.

I went to post my blog last night on Facebook and for those of you that don’t know this, Facebook automatically gives you certain stats on your page without you asking for them. I don’t really notice them most of the time but occasionally something will pop out.

Last night I posted and my previous day’s blog~which normally would say something like “16 people reached” or “8 people reached” or something along those lines had decidedly different numbers.

My Sweet List numbers said, “492 people reached”

um…what?

So I popped back onto the list to see if I somehow linked it to porn by accident.

Nope. No porn. No explanation either. No idea. Nothing new happening over here.
So. weird.

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::waves to my little group of readers I have::
To the 492 of you that popped in…it was very nice to see you. 😎
~~~~~

I lost my pants.  (I know you guys are thinking…THIS is why the 492 people came by. But no. This happened after. And there was no nudity. and the 492 people would have run screaming from the blog I promise).

It is easy to lose my pants because  everything I own is black, pretty sure we’ve talked about this before. So I try and find my leggings (because dress down Friday is stepped up when you aren’t even supposed to work on Friday) so I search the drawers, I search the laundry, I look upstairs and downstairs…

…hell I even looked in that drawer that holds those underthings-you-wear-to-weddings and a swimsuit.

I hate that drawer.

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No leggings.

But as I searched I came across a different pair I apparently stashed last year in a drawer I like to call “the place where all bad clothes go until they decide to behave themselves and fit again”.

Since I’m an organizer … it’s a small drawer.  Only a few expensive beloved pieces are in there. They don’t last. I tend to donate rather than save.

Some Nike magic leggings made their way into that drawer and lo and behold they fit. I am now wearing them.

After trying them on my suspicion is that they were too high waisted (a pox on the inventor of the high waisted anything) and so that’s a little unfriendly but I have pants and the universe and everyone that has to see me today is pretty grateful.

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No, I never found my other pants. It’s been that week.

But I got a run in this morning before work (super short, like two miles) and did about 30 pushups. Ha…quickies! …and that’s on about five hours of sleep (miracle of miracles) and tonight I get to pick up theboy for a weekend of JOY and FUN and gallavanting around the church!

yeah, I’m bringing him to the church.

Shut up. don’t judge me. I have stuff to get done. He’ll love it. Run around like a maniac. Play Minecraft. Eat snacks. Charm everyone and own the place.

That’s my plan anyway. It could go hopelessly awry. Kids.

There will be no running tomorrow (theboy) but hopefully Sunday because MY KID WILL BE HOME.

did I mention my kid will be home? MT says he’s my favorite but you and I both know…it depends on what time it is. Shaughnessy was definitely the favorite yesterday. I’ll tell you that story tomorrow.

God help me I’ll never get a hot shower again.

Gotta run. I have letters to print!

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Run on…

I am an imperfect person

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? I remember one of the nurses on that show saying, “I am an imperfect person”.

These last two weeks at work I have demonstrated that many times over. I hope they still let me come back because I really like this job. I’ve been told over and over again “that was my favorite job” by people that held this position or similar in the past and in my short time here I can see why already.

My first staff meeting started with a minute of quiet time and then a prayer. It was glorious. What staff meeting do you know starts with that? The office work is just office work, though I’m much better with Excel than Microsoft Publisher (getting better now, thankyouverymuch), and I can count money better than I can create well…pretty much anything in Publisher but hey like I say, figuring it out.
I organize in my sleep and working on that kind of stuff makes me quite happy.  I’m supposed to work 20 hours a week. I find myself putting in 40 hours pretty easily.  Staff come and go throughout the  day and people wander in looking for food, clothes,  and money for medicine.  For prayers when they’re sick in the hospital and phone calls looking for support groups. Sometimes they ask for a priest and sometimes they just talk to me. One person called for a priest but called back four times and said talking to me was really helpful.  Being in the hospital alone must be the loneliest time and talking seemed to help. It doesn’t bother me at all and I was able to work while talking. In the afternoon most people leave for the day and I get the building to myself to work in the quiet and the dark and it’s so peaceful and lovely I can’t tell you how perfect it is.
This is not a bad problem to have when you get to help people in need. Seriously. This is a really lovely job. And sometime soon I’ll figure out all the little nuances and I’ll be much better at it. Now if only I could learn Spanish. #lifegoals #helpmerosettastone 

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~~~~~
I’m doing much better today after yesterday’s Botox. I did have some residuals today. I have some bruising on my forehead and the back of my head I can feel. I tend to get that every time but it can flare a migraine up. I just took some Excedrin and then later a Cambia and I feel much better.

~~~~~

I’ve opened five packages of Trick or Treat Dots and they’re all green and yellow. What the hell..Dots?  Five packages and they all have ONE red Dot in them. That is totally wrong. I don’t want the green or yellow or orange. I don’t want them Sam I am.

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~~~~~
I think between the stress of the last two weeks and the migraine of the last week I’ve lost 10 pounds but because I’m me I’m pretty sure…

I’ve gained five.

I’m not going to weigh myself to find out.
Who does THAT?

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My imagination will do juust fine thankyou.

~~~~

Sean is gone for the majority of the weekend so I get to do whatever I want and that includes not eating if I don’t want to. Or scrambled eggs if I want to. Or whatever.

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Tonight I really want to put on my sweats and eat ice cream. BUT…I’m going to walk my dog and go for a run. Because I haven’t run in forever. I miss it.

I was thinking about it during the great migraine and I thought how much I don’t care about intervals and hill training and so on and if I could just go for a quick run to satisfy my running cravings I’d be so happy.

I’m a simple girl. I’d take a little run around the park if that’s all I could do. Or two or three. I could do two or three runs around the park. The route we take is two miles around the park. That’s the perfect run if you do it two or three times! Just enough to satisfy!
It’s a quickie!

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~~~~~

I was telling my mom that the person who knows all the goings on at the church and how to do everything is leaving. That’s not stressful at all. I won’t have the slightest idea what I’m doing. She had mentioned Advent and I got this blank look on my face.

My mom said, “you know what Advent is. It’s the beginning of the church year calendar. I learned that in confirmation class”.

Huh. Well I took a super accelerated confirmation class because they wanted us to be confirmed by the bishop and he was coming soon so it was ~learn it all fast~. Since I’m ADHD anyway it was more along the lines of… This is confirmation class and here is where you’ll learn the…
huh…I love the library in the church. It’s so relaxing in here and the fireplace and look at all the books. I’d LOVE to get at all those books. I wonder if we can check those out? ~mind wanders to the 14 things I have to do for the kids that day and the next aaand…we’re out for the next session~
92% sure my lamaze was the same way. I went through it with my poor mom who  probably really wanted to concentrate and have a solid bonding experience with me and instead she got crazy brain me. We did okay but it was not my favorite. I try to excuse myself because I was legitimately the only 20 year old in the lamaze class. It was embarrassing. I took lamaze when I was pregnant with Shaughnessy.
Isn’t Shaughnessy just FABULOUS? I love her. She’s so smart and …smart…and beautiful, too and whatever I love her.

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It’s weird the things I have retained versus the things I haven’t. I have a freakish memory for the churches schedule, even the parts I’m not involved in but the Episcopal church as a whole…I draw a blank. Maybe I’ll study up this weekend. Ha.

~~~~~
I thought I’d register for the one race for sure, the Revel half in Evergreen, but Miss Andrea has bad knees and says no way. So she wants to do something else. She’s also VERY SLOW about choosing her races.

I have no patience. I’m like every other runner out there and will choose in the middle of the night when I see someone else ran one, then I google then I get excited and I register.  It’s a problem.

We as runners have an affliction.

I’m going to be honest and say I’ve been a little scared. Not a lot because running has never scared me before so I’d say I’m a…4…maybe a 5. I haven’t run a race in so long (thank you stupid illness/surgery that took over my life) that I’m nervous and it’s holding me back. I’ve run up to five miles and then I get stuck and that’s as far as I’ve gone.  I’ve been hiking more than running and I have to push through it but still, it’s all in my head. I can  feel that because my runs all feel great. I feel really strong. It was just such a hard year last year and into this year I needed to mentally heal as much as physically and learn to trust that I can actually do it.

So out the door I go again. I’ve never been a fan of 5k’s but I might think about 10k’s.

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Michelle likes 5k’s and doesn’t like longer runs. How did we become friends?

~~~~~

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Run on…

Behind the scenes of a perfect day.

This was wedding weekend and I thought I’d take the opportunity to let you know about the behind the scenes fabulousness that was our life.

Where we stayed:
Months ago I found a VRBO (sean informed me this was “vacation Rental by Owner” which I officially did not know. Full disclosure I hadn’t ever bothered to look or even think about it because I didn’t care enough. But I do like knowing things so there you go). This was a house in Evergreen, CO at the top of a mountain…7000 ft and change if I remember correctly. There were two queen size beds…super comfortable… and two twin beds. These are homes people either buy and use as rentals or they are homes they use themselves and rent out when they aren’t using them. This is the case for this rental. It was fully stocked. Anything we could have wanted, the house was there. We did have a few tiny issues but they were so minor they were things we’d have problems with in our own house, you know?

1. A full length mirror.
2. The trash can in the kitchen has a terrible lid so it kept falling. You know you’d have this problem in your own house so you’d put that on your list. Get a new trash can.
3. The stairs going down to the house were a bit tall for my mom and sister so I might consider a ramp or something. I didn’t have a problem with them but someone older might.
4. Shaughnessy washed theboy’s shirt after the rehearsal dinner and it came out with rust from the washer. Sean was in town so he stopped and picked up another one from Target. That could have been bad but it was easily fixed.
5. The shower was #notmyfavorite

1675 sq ft.
one full bath, one half.
Average cost $180 a night (for that much space in Evergreen is crazy good)

Could those issues be any more minor? They were pretty minor. The woman who rented to us was so amazing. She was kind and helpful and very communicative. She let us go in early and when a gift was accidentally found to have been thrown out in the trash (still in box and everything) she dug through the trash (!) and is meeting me in town to deliver it. She’s quite wonderful. I gave her and the house a complete five stars and if I could give them more I would. She was great.
On VRBO she is Peace of Mind vacation rental #795862 and she has 66 reviews with a rating of 4.9 (six people rated her a 4 star but their ratings are all great..ha)
I would stay there again.
The view from the deck…photo credit by Shaughnessy


Yeah, it’s that beautiful. Anytime anyone thinks about moving away they just go to the mountains. It cures all that ails us.
~~
Shaughnessy and my mom have beautiful and adorable short cute hair that suits them so perfectly I’m incredibly jealous. Catherine has long lovely hair you can actually do something with. I have…hair. Celiac hair thankyouverymuch.

So I hired Hilarie Austin. She is also the photographer at Serendipity Photography by Hilarie Austin. Catherine’s hair turned out darling and I really loved it.  I’m sorry I currently don’t have photos. I have very difficult hair though and my favorite Princess Anna has frequently told me how awful it is (she says it with love and I don’t mind at all). My hair wasn’t long enough and it just wasn’t my favorite to begin with so it wasn’t Hilarie’s fault it was my hair’s fault. She did a beautiful job with what she had to work with. If I had it to do over again I would have left it down. I really wanted it down but the day before Evergreen had TERRIBLE wind and more wind was predicted.  I envisioned crazy wind photos. Well we were only in photos for about 3 minutes anyway and there was no wind at all that day so it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d rather have good hair. I was really self conscious of a tiny little head with stupid hair the whole night. I wanted to hide in a closet.  I should always go with my instincts. And with what Shaughnessy says. She suggested it when I said my head hurt. I should have listened.
Hilarie was darling. She was funny and nice and very very talented. I would totally hire her again. She did a great job on both of us.

~~~
For our makeup I hired Ally Wright Triolo. She is also on Instagram at @beautynouveaux .

She did a really beautiful job coming in with suitcases and airbrush plug-in things, brushes and tools and seriously…that girl had stuff. She was not messing around. She was so fun and man we really lucked out with great people that day.

And oh…the eyelashes.

~~~

Our “getting ready” day was so fun. It was relaxing and laid back…talking and laughing and eating pizza and drinking beer.
Okay, I didn’t do either of those things. But it was there.

The day was really just the perfect way to relax before a big event.

The guys were also VERY stressed and began getting ready hours before the event…


~~~~

Shaughnessy and I went for a run that morning….you should know we were at the TOP of the mountain. The top. The…top. Really.
The driveway starts out like this….



Terrible, right? Really not pretty at all.
And the road continues with the fall leaves, babbling brooks, deer nibbling at the side of the road…it’s incredible.
Here’s a sign on the way up the mountain to give you an idea of the road…



It’s pretty freakin’ steep and windy.  So we innocently ran down the mountain completely besotted with runner’s bliss. In the back of my head I knew we’d have to go up and it would not be good but…the down was just so great. So I encouraged the bad behavior.

It was windy and steep and the most beautiful fall mountain road you’ve ever seen.


Photos all by Shaughnessy

We walked back up. There was no running up that mountain.

Shaughnessy may have been able to run it but I totally walked. Although I was texting for part of it and I can’t concentrate and run at the same time (wedding day stuff) and also talking so I definitely had no air.

I’m going to say it ranks as one of my favorite runs ever. It was so good. I loved the weekend for those little moments. There were butterflies and leaves flying and birds chirping and deer nibbling and it was like a Disney movie. Shaughnessy said she was “Snow Whiting it”. Ain’t that the truth. What a perfect day.  It was short run….like two miles total I think? Short and sweet.

And there you have our day.
~~~
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Run on…

Wedding weekend!

My son got married this weekend.  They were so beautiful  and the wedding was just what they wanted. There were beautiful bridesmaids and the little girls….the absolute cutest.  The groomsmen were handsome and I was so glad to see them! Some of them are like my own kids (okay really just one…shout out to Corey Joe but Mike is a really close second. I do love him). There was a horse drawn carriage (he didn’t really have to go very far so…) but he was there and a bagpiper with quite a lot of personality and it was all really beautiful. 

I have hardly ANY pictures.  And every photo I have I totally stole it. I will share the few that I do have though…


photo credit: Melanie Pfeffer
Then there is my incredible daughter because seriously look at this:

 photo credit: Adam and “the iPhone 8” –

I know, right? You have no idea how freaking smart she is. She’s crazy smart.
My mom took a ton of pictures. I just am a giant fail. That’s what I should have been doing!  My mom and my sister, Catherine, they looked SO GOOD> I had the photographer take photos but I never step in when there is a photographer so I didn’t take photos over her.
The flower girls…yeah, they were pretty adorable.


photo credit: one of their parents. Nichole I suspect. I stole it from her FB
And Grandma Dot saved the day with a photo of theboy…



yeah…he was totally that cute. The bow tie was killer. He has that swoopy wavy hair that women love but everyone that has it hates.  He’s my favorite.

Can we talk about how perfect the weather was? It was the clearest day ever. The sun was bright and warm and it was gorgeous. It was Evergreen so it got cold pretty quick and that was no joke for all the girls in short skirts and my mom. She’s easily cold, like me. I had a jacket with me and it went well with the dress so it worked to wear it. Thank the Lord. I would have died in the cold. My poor mom kept going to the car. She was pretty cold.
Let’s face it. The important part, the wedding, the weather cooperated for that.

These kind of events, my husband and I decided, expect joy and love and the stuff your most favorite wedding movies are made of. I think a key ingredient to that component is…interestingly enough…alcohol. Because it was all there. The beautiful people, your best friends, your family, great food and dancing. But I have such anxiety in those tight spaces and I can’t hear well and I can’t talk to people and it’s difficult to travel from one space to the other and I can’t drink to relax so I can’t even really think well (hence the no pictures) and so I was…quite anxious with all those people and I didn’t know most of them and talking to anyone was difficult. Theboy reached meltdown phase right after the toasts when he figured out he drank all his juice and there wasn’t anymore. He was done and loudly proclaimed it. I felt SO bad. But once he left my table I don’t sit still well so I was a ball of energy needing to expel it.

My daughter has recommended I get an edible the next time and trust me, it’s crossed my mind. It’s a fleeting thought. Why leave Sean out in the cold. He can’t have one for his job and he’s in the same boat as me. We are apparently not good at these events. To be clear, it’s not the event, it’s totally us.  Also, I felt very out of my own skin in what I was wearing and how my hair was and everything. I wasn’t very confident. I didn’t feel very comfortable and that makes me feel conspicuous.

Which brings up the whole … how many men do we know that were borderline inappropriate with us and that was pretty uncomfortable…
Shaughnessy and I batted that conversation around for awhile.

Melanie, Megan’s mom, bought Sean and I gluten free cupcakes…I love that. So great. My mom had already bought me SIX cupcakes so…
we won’t talk about how many cupcakes I’ve eaten this weekend.   If there was ever a weekend to indulge it would be wedding weekend. So much deliciousness.

I’ve thrown a wedding. It’s an incredible amount of work. She did a wonderful job. I’ve been that stressed. I was her. Mine had issues. Hers had issues. They all have issues. None of them matter because everyone had a wonderful time and it was memorable and beautiful and and just what Alex and Megan wanted.

Alex Michael had to speak at both the rehearsal and at the wedding and he’s so well spoken he did a beautiful job.  He’s charming, funny and gracious.  I’ve lost count of the number of people that have told me what a wonderful man I have for a son. People tell me that about my kids so much and I never, ever get tired of hearing it. I’m just so beyond grateful because I know I only had a small part in it. They’re just such great people I’m the one that is so lucky to be a part of their lives (thought I’d say blessed there, didn’t you?  hashtag blessed! <say with a very sweet voice  LOL I can hear Shaughnessy’s voice and I am out loud laughing.)
See? I get to be their mom.  Doesn’t get better than that.

Running talk probably will resume tomorrow…thanks for being patient!

Let's find some beautiful place to get lost | Anonymous ART of Revolution

Run on…

 

I was supposed to live in Boulder, I’m sure of it.

I drove to Boulder yesterday (that place is so beautiful, why can’t I live there??) for a meeting and I figured while I was there I could pick up some new Newton’s and have lunch with my beautiful daughter. She takes selfies but I get eye rolls if I ask. So I steal them. 😉

Traffic did not love me and I ended up truly stuck in the middle of the morning for far too long. Late to lunch and enjoying my kid’s time for a bit too long and before I knew it I had run out of time to stop and buy shoes. Sad, too, since I was just a block away from the store. I was so close! I waved to it as I walked by.
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We enjoyed our lunch at Shine, as usual, because it’s healthy, gluten free, amazing food and really great service. Okay, today the service was kind of iffy but hey, it was bound to happen,right? Also, I forgot to say plain burger so it came loaded with fried onions (yuck yuck doubleyuck) so I had to take those off. It was not a crisis. I spent my childhood scraping things off food.

Don’t let anyone tell you ketchup and mustard can just be “scraped off”.

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It cannot. I am totally on your side.

~~~~~~

Then I used my new iphone to find the address of the meeting I was supposed to be at. Except my googlemaps said…address doesn’t exist. Now I’m ten minutes late, I’ve been working through this phone for twenty minutes and address doesn’t exist.

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Yes, that’s right. I was talking to the little man inside the iphone. No, I don’t talk to Siri. I talk to the little man I’m CERTAIN is inside the phone NOT ANSWERING ME.

I spent another few minutes playing with it until it finally randomly decided it did in fact know where the address was.

It was not stressful at all.

By the time I got home I seriously had to use the restroom, I had been lost more than I had been found and I did not feel good. I slept.

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~~~~~
Today we are having a blizzard.
yes, you heard that right. A blizzard. So I’m not sure what I’m doing. I thought today would be a great day to start a plank challenge…

You know you want to. Doesn’t everyone start plank challenges on the 18th of the month?

I think a 5 minute plank sounds like a whole lot of ouch but hey…I’m willing to try. The longest I’ve ever gone is 2.5 minutes so I’d like to give it a try and at least get up to 3 minutes.

Planks.
Wall sits.
Push ups.
Squats.
All things that need a good amount of work. I think I’ll work on that today.

start where you are:

Dream big.
~~~~~
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Run on…

Not a bad way to spend the day…

READY FOR SPRING WORKOUT SERIES - WEEK 4 || Health and fitness are a way of life. This is a lifestyle that's not meant to be started and stopped with the beginning and the end of a workout challenge or series. The more consistent you are with your workouts, the more successful you will be and the better you will feel. Be on the lookout for more seasonal fitness series to help keep you motivated, healthy and feeling amazing! Click through to download the success tools for week 4. Pin it now, ...:
My stomach issues from my run yesterday continued in full force through today so you can imagine my strong, crazy desire to run was, um, curtailed, shall we say? Because that’s just not a comfortable feeling. My stomach hurts. 

It got worse as the day progressed, contrary to what I expected would happen, so I wanted nothing to do with being away from my house running and frankly I didn’t even want to move very much.

I did do some basic strength stuff today, squats and such. But other than that it was all resting all the time.
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~~~~~

Since my physical activities were severely hindered I spent the day working on business reports.

I have a meeting with someone today and it’s clear up in Boulder so I get to go have lunch with my kid who works in Boulder because she’s smart and beautiful and runs the world and goes on work trips and is amazing. Did I mention I want to be her when I grow up? She’s awesome.

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~~~~~

According to my workout schedule I was supposed to run 3 miles on Monday (done)

Yesterday was yoga and recovery. I chose just recovery. Holy smokes did I feel yucky. I still feel a little off. Worst glutening ever? Food poisoning? Seriously…no clue. So I’m going to pick something up today and then I’ll try my mileage this afternoon which is supposed to be 5 miles but I’m going to make it 4 miles if I’m up to it.

I’m also going to do some squats, planks, pushups, etc.

tomorrow is a rest day, but I think I’ll switch it up and do yoga. Seems like a light week but I think it’s just stretched out weird.
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This is what happens. I see a gif and then I want to watch that show again…she was so freakin’ cute.

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We’re having a gorgeous 70* day here people…

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Tomorrow: snow.

Runners don't find excuses not to run. Runners find reasons to run.:

Run on…

Short and Sweet

  • I was bumming pretty hard yesterday but I ended up having lunch with Shaughnessy and shopping with her and really…neither of those is a bad thing. I had a good time and I somewhat cheered up. That is all good.
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  • Sean hung out with me last night (he’s been super busy) and believe it or not, that’s really all I have to say. I was happy. Well, I have a ridiculous migraine and I can’t kick it but other than that I am pretty happy. He went to the store to pick me up some La Croix (remember it sounds like “enjoy”) and he came home with FOUR twelve packs.
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  • Being ADHD, Sean gets very hyper focused on what he’s working on. He’s been focused on work and his game which takes an intense amount of time and focus and the taxes took a back seat. I finally told him I was having bad dreams and he absolutely had to finish them or I might explode. I am so grateful.
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  • North Korea is actually telling US that Trump is making trouble with his aggressive tweets. sigh. We know. He bothers us, too. Try not reading them. That’s what we do. Just….close your eyes and move on.
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  • On a fun note: I have been watching Life in Pieces which was a Netflix original and I think CBS picked it up? Fair warning: It’s clean. I KNOW. That’s because it’s on a regular prime time network! But it’s just ordinary comedy and I am in fact…laughing pretty damn hard. I enjoy it quite a lot, I’m not gonna lie.
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  • It’s Easter weekend and with half the family leaving we figured we’d leave it low key and let Alex and Megan hang with Megan’s family and we’ll connect next weekend. I am a little bummed we don’t get to see them this weekend but it’s not like we don’t all live in Denver. Next weekend we’ll have a great time. I have BIG plans. BIG. HUGE.
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Sean has plans this weekend, too, but what he doesn’t know is that we are definitely going hiking. If he read my blog he’d know what his plans were. Serves him right. It’s just too pretty outside to not do something fabulous and enjoy the weather and the sun.
30 Adventure and Travel Quotes #Adventure quotes #Sayings
Run on…

Daily reading that feeds my anxiety. I need balance.

I was trying to find online marketing information for my business and one website proclaimed “Be Delightful Online”. My first thought was…I’m in, finally the website that understands me!  My second thought was ~damn…that sounds like work.~

Perhaps…a bit of a conflict. Maybe I just need a nap and tomorrow I can be delightful again. Yes. I’ll try again tomorrow for delight.

I came across this image which is not anything to do with organizing but can I just GO HERE?

It looks so beautiful…I want to run there right now.

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Cely, from Running off the Reeses, wrote yesterday about how much anxiety she’s under right now due to the political pressures we’re dealing with every single day coming from so many sides. I cannot tell you how this resonates with me. My day is like a political marathon. Every morning when I wake up I start my day with The Skimm. This is my warm up. I read the condensed version of what our current administration has decided they are going to destroy in our country since yesterday (and sometimes while I slept), what the GOP’s think of it, who’s yelling about it, the smiling Paul Ryan invariably bobbing his head about it creepily, how much of the country will be damaged and what it will cost our most vulnerable in ways far more painful than just currency. Then I start clicking on the links.

The links take me to all the stories that’ll tell me the gory details so I can learn what the story really is and try to become better educated about the whole thing. There are a hundred issues I need to be concerned about and every single day I need to worry about them all. Which ones do I call my senators about? Is he even listening to me? I can tell you that mine is not. Cory Gardner of Colorado is absolutely not listening. So do I still call? Do I still let him know? It feels so completely pointless. These are the things we’re talking about in the midst of the anxiety and the powerless feelings. By the middle of the afternoon I’ve read probably twenty or thirty news stories/articles/linked essays and follow ups. I don’t feel any more educated. I feel more hopeless.

Yesterday I read this:

KING: The Democratic Party seems to have no earthly idea why it is so damn unpopular and then I got depressed because I didn’t get any tangible things to do to make changes. So we just have to sit back and watch it all go to hell?

By the end of the day I’ve finished on the computer and I’m working on the next days post and on the next days work stuff but sometimes it’s so overwhelming I have to just step away. Those are the days I’m really late to put up a post. You’re welcome.

The anxiety of what is going to happen is overwhelming. My friend’s niece asked if I get really angry and sometimes I do, yes. Usually though, anxiety and sadness overwhelm me and mostly powerless. I don’t do well with powerless. I just want to not look at it anymore. The thought of not looking at it and pretending it’s not happening seems terrifying and I face things I’m afraid of pretty head on so…back I go and I start again. 

It’s a vicious cycle.

I recognize that I am one small person.

I don’t have a great voice. I am not running for office or making great change. I am not a dynamic person who will change the world. I am a normal person who just wants to help keep us from going so far down we’ll never find our way back.

I need to volunteer somewhere where I can do something that’s at least contributing to the cause so I feel like I’m doing something. This daily turnstyle is twisting me like a meat grinder.
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Cely also posted a video with a song and after I clicked and listened that led me to the vortex of youtube videos and there I was and hour later still looking at videos. I think I’ve finally escaped but damn…that’s a hole I never dive into so I must be off my game.
Check these out:

  • America’s First Writer’s Museum is opening in Chicago. There’s a museum I LOVE the idea of. My kid and I could do that when I go run the marathon in Chicago if THAT EVER GETS TO HAPPEN. sigh. We won’t talk about history. Moving on.
  • 12 Things About Being A Woman That Women Won’t Tell You Now…this article is a little rough. It’s in Esquire so keep that in mind hence the language. But it’s just really a smart article.

  • Shaughnessy, my kid, my first child and only daughter, wrote an essay called

    A day’s story of womanhood in four parts for #adaywithoutwomen and damn, it’s really great.  Oh wait. I’m not actually surprised. You should totally read it. And then you should totally tell me how amazing she is. Okay, you don’t have to. I already know.

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It’s gorgeous today and it’s Friday so why wouldn’t I do something outside??  Totally going out to walk and enjoy the beautiful weather and walk to remind my legs I can. I’m so close you guys.  I’m THISCLOSE to getting to run. Tomorrow Michelle and I are hiking…

Yesterday my kid (MT, the kid not the state) came back from VA for a very short visit (ten days) and I am excited to see him for at least an hour. Who are we kidding…he’s here for his girlfriend.

"And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul." #treehugger…:

Run on…

I swear there are kittens here and they are SO worth it. Really.

These are the kittens I tried to show you guys yesterday but they wouldn’t cooperate! And they look like sweet angels, figures they’re rebels at heart…not showin’ up and all. And if you can’t see kittens YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. Sean and I have been trying to get these guys to work for two days. We finally get them to work and then I’ll pop on and…nothin’. And let me tell you..it’s worth it. I laugh and laugh. And then they don’t work.

I get it. They’re only entertaining to me. But hey…it’s the little things. (love you Holly~miss you.)

Totally worth the wait, though, weren’t they? Seriously, I want to look at this thing all day. It freaking makes me laugh so hard. Also, I want to snuggle them and I want to have BASKET OF KITTENS> Right now.

No Mom. Don’t tell me the downside of BASKET OF KITTENS> No one wants to know that. Now is NOT THE TIME FOR PRACTICAL.
Snuggles.
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Every once in a while the question comes up about what I’m writing on the blog. I’m not trying to be rude here…it is my blog and even though I have some readers (ahem…a  few..there’s a few of you guys out there) I am pretty careful about what I write. If all the readers ran screaming from the internet out of sheer boredom and I was the only one left to read what I wrote I would…well…I’d still write ’cause I like it. I am only writing about my own issues and really they aren’t that exciting. Did I run today? Why didn’t I run today? Maybe tomorrow I’ll run farther… and why oh why can’t they make a better gluten free cupcake? #sowrong There is no room for drama in my head or my world. I’m not writing about anyone else and I’m not out to create drama. If I have something on my mind I’ll probably jot some notes about it. Don’t read too much into it. Dollars to donuts it’s not about you. I’ve never been one for drama but it seems to find me anyway. As I get older I like dealing with it less and less. And by older I mean…seriously. Hours are counting here…Not just years but days and hours. No drama. Just joy.

All joy.
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Saturday Sean, Shaughnessy and I went downtown to march in Denver’s portion of the Women’s March and it felt amazing to be part of something so incredible and clearly so important. This administration is a giant black cloud over our country. We have to keep marching until we’re heard and great changes happen. We’re not just marching to make noise. There are MILLIONS of us for good reason. We are, as Shaughnessy is so fond of saying, on the right side of history here.

 

I had so much to say about this but the events of Sunday kind of… deflated me.~ And thus the worst WORST migraine. My doctor gave me a new drug so I took that in an attempt to really kick it out since I had a new job starting Monday and yeah…that was a giant fail. It was awful. Thus worst migraine ever and I had to function first day on the job with the stupid migraine. It sucked.~ We just need to remember to keep the momentum going. He has already, in his first week, created much havoc and done horrible damage.  Let’s keep fighting the important and good fight. 

T.I.s don't get the luxury of partying, this can be used to make you appear to be a addict and very easy to kill and call it an overdose, T.I.s also don't have the luxury of snapping, being aggressive or down, all will be used to make you appear unstable. it sucks ass but so does being a T.I. its NOT fair but if you don't take care of you who will?:

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Surgery is scheduled for Feb 2nd.  Did I already tell you guys that? I am super ready for this to happen. Do you know I have felt lousy for like…a year?  A YEAR. I am so ready to feel better. I can’t believe it took so long to figure it out. I tormented multiple doctors. I slept a LOT. I cried. I researched. I felt completely inadequate at … everything.

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I’ve had zero ability or time to run between sleeping, migraines and my new job. But I have a little more than a week to run and I’m going to put in a few more days before I’m out for the next six weeks. Six weeks…sob. I did get the Shrine of Cabrini steps in on Sunday…I did them twice. I couldn’t run (my head hurt too much to run) but the steps felt great. My legs hurt…way hurt in a good way on Monday. The best kind of hurt.

I-ll be happy if running and I can grow old together:

Run on…

 

 

Sundays are the best family day.

We had a great day on Sunday with the kids. Shaughnessy and Adam decided not to leave town after all, mostly because there were no cabins available on short enough notice and they needed somewhere to sleep. So they stayed and came to breakfast Sunday morning with us. It was great. We ate ourselves sick and laughed and talked and skyped with MT and had a ridiculously good time.

Theboy was not so cheerful but he’d been up pretty late so he was struggling to be appropriately happy. It was a lot of work for him.

I did manage to get some pictures.

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these two pictures are best viewed together… LOL…this is when we were talking to MT 🙂

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I snapped a photo of MT and they all made fun of me because I could have taken a screen shot. But I thought it would be FUNNIER if I took a picture of it! They have no sense of humor. 

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Theboy’s monster. And the best photo I got of him all day. He hid from me.
One more…because I love her.
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Also, I know the photos are blurry…I am always really sensitive about trying to get a photo quickly because they don’t like to take them and their patience is at a minimum so sometimes I snap too quick and you see the results. They are out of focus. I post them anyway because I love their faces. I need to slow down and make them stand there. I’m working on it. I really do know how, it’s the patience thing.
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I spent the rest of the day talking about really cool future possibilities and Halloween parties. It was good. Today I’m thinking about tightening up the organization in my kitchen and shopping for Halloween parties. It’s a lot.

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G and I ran/walked our 6 miles this morning. She is moving in a week and we’ll be much further from our favorite running spot so we’ll have to figure out a new workout space. We’re making good use of our last week. It felt really good to wake up and get it done so early.

Now I’m cleaning, listing, showering, panicking (so much to do) and getting stuff done.

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Run on…